Healing

XXXI - Busan

I hope you enjoy the chapter. I  forgot to update yesterday because I got so caught watching Boyfriend on Demand lol

Bel, xx

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"It's truly good to see you smiling, Jinyoung," the psychiatrist comments almost at the end of the session, just as he finished telling the professional about his plans for the weekend with his friends and boyfriend.

In the last couple of weeks, Jinyoung has consciously worked to get better. Like never before. He has taken all his pills on time, tracking them on his phone, and with Jaebeom's help, he's been sleeping and eating like a normal person. Additionally, he's actually working with his psychiatrist instead of fighting him or avoiding him, which has been a whole rollercoaster of emotions. Having to ask himself difficult questions and having a professional who can see more than the sarcastic answer he gives to avoid the topic. Some sessions have left Jinyoung feeling so bare he isn't sure who he is anymore, how to put himself together, and be the person he knows, doubting all he's always known about himself.

Jaebeom came to his rescue after one particular session, just to hold him until Jinyoung could pick up the pieces of his identity and move forward.

Therapy is such an arduous thing, and Jinyoung realises now that although he has been forced to go to therapy for so long, he was never in therapy. Not really. This is the first time he's actively taking part in it, and he can tell the difference.

That's why he told the professional about Jaebeom and how he's found in him a reason to want to live, to get better; not knowing if that was just as toxic as everything else.

Does it matter? His psychiatrist asked during that session. Does it make it less valid? What you feel for him and how he makes you feel? All that is valid, and the fact that you want to live because of him is just as good of a reason as any other. What matters is that it is important and significant to you, Jinyoung.

"Well, I'm excited. I can't remember what it's like going on a trip," Jinyoung replies, and he feels a bit embarrassed by the excitement bubbling in his stomach.

The weekend plan they have is a trip to Busan with Mark and Jackson to celebrate the former's twenty-fifth birthday. Spring has fully settled, and in the south, there even should be cherry blossoms to go and see. Party and romantic walks, the perfect weekend according to Jackson Wang.

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning," the younger man replies.

"Well, I hope you have a great time. I'm sure this trip will help you a lot, Jinyoung," his psychiatrist says with an honest smile. "I'll see you for your session next week. We'll keep the medication dosage as it seems to be working well."

"So far, so good," Jinyoung confirms.

Not much later, Jinyoung is walking out of the building. Jaebeom often waits for him after his sessions if his schedule allows it, but today he is with his mother for rehabilitation therapy, so the young man just keeps himself busy. He buys a few things he needs for the trip and grabs a quick lunch at a convenience store, avoiding home as much as possible. Despite working with his therapist, things at home will take a lot more work and time, and Jinyoung is far from ready to have a conversation with any of them. For now, he'll keep avoiding them.

Perhaps, he'll never be ready to try to explain to them why he's the way he is. Maybe he'll never understand why he's like that, and because his family needs to understand him instead of just accepting him, they'll never work out.

It's close to dinnertime by the time he makes it home. He would've had dinner with Jaebeom, but he texted him earlier telling him his aunt dropped by to visit his mother to surprise her (and to help while he is going to be in Busan), so he was going to have dinner with them. So instead, Jinyoung has an awkward dinner with his family, not feeling appetite but trying to eat knowing he should for his treatment. The sooner he finishes his food, the faster he can retire to his room and start packing.