Healing

XXXVIII - horror

I didn't disappear, I've just been very busy. I'm working on my thesis for graduation  (because I decided getting a second degree while working was a great idea) and my workload has been heavy, too.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Bel, xx

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Lately, Jinyoung has been dreaming about Jaebeom's sorrow. Most of the time, he can't hear why he looks so heartbroken, why he cries, but something tells him it's his fault. Every time he wakes up, the young man tries to remember, looking for clues that could give him the answer, but all he can think about is when Jaebeom finally found out Jinyoung was in a coma.

Not being able to remember what made Jaebeom so upset is messing with his sleep again because he wants to recall, but Jinyoung doesn't have a way to control his dreams.

His boyfriend notices he looks more tired than he had done in so long, and in his worry, he persuades Jinyoung to stay over most of the time. The younger man doesn't mind; he truly sleeps better at the Ims, with Jaebeom's mother always being so kind and considerate, and his boyfriend being the best sleep pill any doctor could've ever prescribed.

When Jinyoung sleeps in Jaebeom's arms, it truly doesn't matter if he remembers everything that happened while he was in a coma or not. He only lives in the moment, laughing when Jaebeom teases him, or trying hard to remember they aren't alone in the older man's home, even when he consumes Jinyoung's mind, they can't just get lost in each other. They can only do that when they are alone, which only has happened a few times.

No matter how many times it happens, it never gets easier stopping Jaebeom and reminding him his mother is in the room at the end of the hall.

"I'm this close to getting a place for myself," Jaebeom groans when Jinyoung tells him they should stop, burying his face in Jinyoung's neck. "This wouldn't be an issue if I lived alone."

Jinyoung chuckles because Jaebeom has said that many times, but he cares too much about his mother to leave her alone just yet. Especially because his father still barely is in the picture. Jinyoung has only met him once; at breakfast one night he stayed over and he hadn't even realised the old man had arrived at some point. It had been both embarrassing and scary, but Jaebeom's father barely registered his presence, just greeting him and telling him in an ultra-polite and detached voice that he was pleased to finally meet Jaebeom's boyfriend.

Jinyoung didn't feel accepted by him, but he also didn't feel rejected.

"When you do get your own place," Jinyoung comments softly, barely above a whisper, while running his fingers through Jaebeom's hair tenderly. "No one will stop us, ever."

Jaebeom only groans again and Jinyoung chuckles, mostly because he is aware it'll take a while until his boyfriend feels reassured enough to leave his home. His mother still has really bad days, when she barely can walk without grimacing. Jinyoung has witnessed days when her speech is slower, clumsier and it seems like even uttering two sentences is too much for her.

On those days he's seen her battling the sequels of her own coma, Jinyoung is so grateful that his body recovered so well, especially considering he was hit by a truck. Although when winter comes again, Jinyoung knows he'd be more aware of the fact he can't fully feel his arm. And still, all in all, that was nothing compared with what Jaebeom's mother had to deal with every day.

"Just you wait," Jaebeom mumbles, bringing Jinyoung back to the present. "Let's sleep for now. I have to be early at the studio tomorrow."

Jinyoung nods and pulls back just enough to make room to press a kiss to Jaebeom's forehead. His boyfriend's hands stay under his shirt, firmly pressed to his back as they start to drift away. At some point Jinyoung will roll away from the older man's embrace, but for now, they fall asleep in each other's arms.