New life.(Kbtbb Editing)

Chapter 30//Other people are hurting

Cat's POV

After putting my mom in the car I stay outside for a second longer looking over my shoulder to the House.Well then this was a fun day,Sarcasm intended.

I get into the car Blinking back emotions.Theres times like these were I'm glad that I can turn heartless and have no emotions It's the times I need it the most.

My mom next to me is completely different though she's a sobbing mess.You know that saying like mother Like daughter?Well look at this we broke that saying just by the picture right now.

I want to comfort her I want to say that she will come around in time I want to be there for her but I cant.

It's not as easy as it seems I know I said we could try to start over but I can't help but still feel angry at her.Shes the reason why I'm afraid of people touching me she's the reason I flinch when people go to hug me She's the reason I hated my life.

Wow look at that Im the worst person alive.Shes dying soon and I can't manage to at least Fake forgiveness.Shes leaving this world and I can't even offer her comfort.What a cold hearted Bitch of a daughter I have become.

I won't even deny it I'm a selfish,Cruel,Mean,Heartless creature Who puts herself first in front of others.I wallow in self pity and I have almost No Pity towards others.

What the hell am I?

My past isnt that broken to turn me this way.I guess it's just my personality or how I taught myself to be while growing up the same rules over and over again cutting me off from the world.

Don't fall in love,Don't forgive,Oh you can't be nice.

I've grew up teaching myself to hate others to never get close because if you get close people break you.

What I never Relized was people don't break you you break yourself.

Like in this moment I could have fought harder To get my sister to listen hell I could have forced her too but I didn't.

I just want to sleep,Just to sleep forever to forget about my troubles and actually dream and not have nightmares.

I actually want to be naive,I want to be innocent,I want to grow up with out a care.I can want and want and want but that's never going to happen.

I shake my head laughing bitterly to myself.

Let your guard down one time Cat,Shoe your weaknesses Let the world know your not a lost cause.

Just once...

I look back over at my mom who looks worse than me,The mom who watched Her daughter leave the world,The mom that Lost the other daughter who cared for her because if her beatings,The mother Who feels as if there's no hope for her.The mother who watched the last thing resembling a happy goodbye Turn her back and go back into the house.

The broken mother.

I sigh to myself and Reach over the Side of me And wrap my arms around her shaking pale figure Holding her close to me.I bury my face into her hair and Hug her tighter when I notice she starts sobbing harder.

Tears prick at my eyes and before I have the chance to blink them back they roll down my cheeks Surprised I go still.The only time I cry is when my eyes go purple I never cry other than that even when I was best up outside of the hotel I didn't cry.

More tears build in my eyes and instead if trying to avoid them I let them streak down my skin leaving a thin mark on my face of wetness.

For once I've let my guard down,And I don't regret it.My moms Shaking figure starts to utter out words that broke me down that made me feel like I was a little kid again,Helpless.