Just Give Me Your Smile (Daesung)

Chapter 17 - Later

It's been a month since I was let go. It's been hard... All the salons around here were already full and didn't need any new employees. It was so frustrating, and worst of all, my boyfriend is a Korean pop star.

He'd never mention it, but I knew he'd have to leave eventually. That was enough to break already, but when he'd take me to his apartment and hold me in his arms, my problems would melt away gradually.

All I could have wanted was to stay there forever.

Samantha had a few fights about our current financial situations. It's was only expected but, it scared me even more. She supported me still but she was scared and had to say something to let all that fear out of her. It was only right to just take it.

Now, I sat on my bed feeling completely numb. Daesung was going to come over and take me somewhere. I wasn't sure where, but I was excited. We ate dinner separately, but it was still important apparently.

I was excited either way. But in the deepest corner of my mind, I knew that I had seen the slightest look of sadness in his eye for that split second, and that was enough to terrify me. Of course I had shoved it away, but the negativity that surrounded me wouldn't allow it so part of me felt it.

I sat cross cross on my bed in jeans and a tank top. All I could do was ponder.

The hours passed by extremely slowly until it got to be midnight and he never showed. He said he'd pick me up at 10 o'clock but there was no sign if him. Not even a text. This, did not help my poor wounded ego.

After all this stress, I decided to just sleep. He obviously had enough with my pathetic life and was gonna dump me the next time we saw each other. I shouldn't be surprised... I knew it wouldn't last... It wouldn't last long...

Tears filled my eyes and fell over my cheeks and onto my pillow. Sobs raked my body. What more could I look forward to anymore.

Then it hit me. Why stay?  It would only get worse from here... At least I could die with some dignity before I caved into something like drugs.

I didn't want to disappoint them... My mind droned on.

And I knew how as well. We lived near a river with a walking bridge. Freezing water year round not to mention it's pretty high up with it's fair share of rocks at the bottom.

"Perfect..." I mumbled getting out of bed. I sluggishly walked out of the apartment. All these negative thoughts swirling in my head making me sick.

My demons called out to me, drawing me further into this numb state. It was comfy. Not like Daesung's healing voice, but I didn't feel anything. Sure I wasn't happy, but I wasn't broken, and that's what mattered.

It was a twenty minute walk to the river, but to hell with it. I wanted out and I wanted out now. Time went quickly yet not quick enough. Either way I made my way to the bridge over the rapids.

It was then I realized I was wearing Daesung's shirt and boxers. Why? I had no idea. It made me tear up, tearing me away from the numbness I loved so much. I cried. Hugged my knees and sobbed over the rushing river.

I needed to get it over with, and now. My sneakers came off easily along with my socks and I climbed on top of the railing, closed my eyes, and let go.