Its been a week, since I stormed out of Skylar's place. I have been avoiding Nash all week. He has been trying to text me, but I just didn't answer. Whenever Nash came over Cam would lie for me and say I wasn't home.
I have told Cam what happened and how I felt. I've also talked to the girls about it and I talked to Kian {Lawley} about it. They all gave me there thought.
Cameron supported me because he agreed with me. The girls told me that if I really did like him, I should try to make it work. And Kian said, I should do whatever I feel is right.
Tonight, the magcon and girls are going night swimming in Matt's pool. So, I knew I was gonna see Nash. O2l might even be going, I'm not so sure.
Throughout this whole week, one question has been running through my mind. Should I go back to bad Ryder?
Yes. I have been considering going back to rebel Ryder. Mostly because it was easier. I didn't care. I had no emotions. I'm just scared, I was gonna hurt my friends.
But I guess I'll find out tonight what I should do. I started getting ready for the pool party. I put on a black bikini, the top was normal but it had a slit in the middle that didn't go completely through, and was outlined with a gold v and plain black bottoms. Over that I put a long see-through shirt. I grabbed black and gold rays bands. I applied waterproof mascara, and headed downstairs.
Cameron was ready and waiting for me.
"You ready" he asked. I nodded yes and we went into his car and he started to drive.
"Ry, you know you're seeing Nash tonight, right?" Cam asked.
"Yea. I know" I nodded.
"Do you know what your gonna say?" He asked.
"I know what I wanna say. I just don't know if I'm gonna have the courage to say it" I shrugged. There was a moment of silence. "Cameron. I just wanted to let you know. I might start acting different after tonight. I want you to know, you are my brother and I love you."
"Are you thinking about be a rebel again?" He asked.
"Truthfully, yes. But its just until this whole Nash thing blows over. It might happen, it might not. Maybe I won't turn my feeling off towards my friends and just turn my feelings off relating to love." I formed.
"Okay. I love you sis" he said, pulling into Matt's driveway.
"Love you too Bro" I replied. We got out of the car and went through the back. Everyone else was already there and o2l has shown up. I said hi to everyone. When it came to Nash, I just waved.
"Ry, hows the whole Nash thing going?" Kian asked.
"Haven't talked to him since. Been completely avoiding him at all cost. But tonight we probably will end up talking and I'll tell him, what I need to tell him." I informed. "How about you and Andrea?"
"We are better now. She is coming to visit in like a couple week" Kian informed.
"Great! Can't wait to meet her" I exclaimed.
"ITS SWIM TIME!" we hear Matt yell jumping into the pool we all scream. I take off my cover up, and sun glasses and jump in the pool. And so did everyone else.
x
After we finished our first round of swimming, Matt has order pizza, for us. I ate 2 slices then threw my plate out. I went back over to the pool where my stuff is.
While I was separated from the group, Nash approached me.
"Hey Ryder. Can we talk?" Nash asked. I nodded.
"Yea, lets go over here" I demanded. We went to the side of the house where no one was.
"Hey. Um so the last week, you have been completely avoiding me. And I mean was it me? I mean the last two days we spent together with amazing and I loved it but did you? Did I do something" Nash blamed himself.
"No Nash. You didn't do anything. Those days were fun for me too" I informed.
"Then whats wrong?" He asked.
"Listen. Um. Those last days I spent with you were amazing but I can't do this. I can't do us." I informed. He looked hurt. "Nash the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you."
"But you did it anyways" he whispered. Tears filled his eye and one went down his cheek. I placed my hand on his cheek and wiped it off.
"Its okay. We met. We talked. We had a little fun. And it was epic. But then the sun came up and reality set in." I explained. "And reality is, we're living the California life. Love doesn't last in Cali. Not because it wasn't suppose to but because we're famous Nash. The fame will continue to grow and soon, everything we will have is gonna fall apart. I can't do that Nash."
"No. Reality is, we were meant to be together. We could run away. Forget all the fame and fortune and run off to Alaska or wherever you wanna go. I don't care as long as I'm with you." Nash begged.
"Nash. I would love that more than anything in the world but, we can't do that to the fans. Nash, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me. But I'm scared if I let myself be happy for a single moment, that the world is just gonna come crashing down on me. And I don't think I'll be able to survive that." i said tears falling out of my eyes.
"Can you honestly tell me, you don't feel anything between us?" He asked. "You don't feel anything in the hugs, the kisses, the laughs."
"Of course I fucking feel something! Thats why I have to do this Nash. " I yelled.
"You're scared you're gonna get hurt" Nash whispered. "You like me so much, you know you'd be torn if something happens. You protecting yourself by pushing me away."
"Thats what I do. I push people away because I can't stand the idea of getting hurt. I'm sick and tired of people leaving. So yes. I push people away. Thats the only way I know how to protect myself" I snap. "This was never a part of my plan! I came here wanting to meet my birth parents and brother. I never asked to to catch feelings for anyone. I was suppose to keep my rebel side and be the same Ryder as I was in New Jersey. But no! This happened, and I had to hurt someone. Maybe I should just go back to the old Ryder. Everything was better that way."
"Ryder. Don't do this" Nash begged.
"Why not? I was much happier that way. Maybe this way, you'll see the real me and realize how bad I am for you. I'm fucking fire Nash! Anyone who touches me gets burnt." I yelled.
"The real Ryder is the one standing right in front of me." Nash muttered.
"Why can't you just leave already! You'll leave eventually. No one in my life stays forever. Everyone has left. Why is that so hard for you!" I screamed.
"Because Ryder, I don't give up on the things I believe in. I won't ever give up on us" Nash informed.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because, I know, somewhere inside of you theres a part that wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with you. And that'll always be there" Nash exclaimed.
"Maybe there is. But I can't help but to ignore it" I sighed.
"Ryder. I won't walk away from you" Nash promised.
"Then, I'll make it easier for you" I said and I walked away, not looking back. But Nash caught up to me, turned me around, grabbed my face, our foreheads touched. I watched his lips. This was probably one of the hardest thing to do but I turned my face and walked away.
"I love you Nash and I'm so sorry" I whispered to myself.
YOU ARE READING
Be My Hero»n.g
Fanfiction"You saved me. You're my hero." "That's all I ever wanted to be" Ryder Harris has never really had feelings. She never trusted anyone. She took care of herself. She's been a rebel for as long as she could remember. But will the...
