Mental || Lirry

Chapter Thirteen

"Harry." There it was. The familiar voice. It was back. "You aren't gay. It's wrong." I nodded. It was right. As an angel, I needed to do what was right and being gay wasn't.

The tears kept rolling down my cheeks. But I wasn't in the bathroom anymore. I was walking down the street.  I was trusting the voice to guide me. It would tell me where to go and what to do. It was god after all.

"Gay is wrong." I whispered to myself. A women who was walking by me gave me a weird look. But I somehow didn't care. "I'm not gay. Not for Liam. Not for anyone." I walked with my head down. I didn't exactly want to attract attention either.

I knew that my mom was home by now. She was probably looking for me, calling Louis and Niall to see if I was with them. Maybe even calling Ray, which would result in Liam knowing what was happening.

I shook my head. I couldn't think about Liam. I wasn't gay. And he didn't want me anymore anyways.

I'm sure I could start dating a cute girl from school. If girls even liked me. Which was very unlikely. I was the crazy kid after all.

"Harry?" I looked up to see Mark. He seemed confused and scared. It was like he knew something was wrong just by looking into my eyes. I on the other hand, didn't show any emotions. I just stared at him.

"Is something wrong?" He asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I pushed him off roughly. "Don't touch me!" I yelled. His eyes widened. He didn't run away like I thought he would. He stayed.

"Get away from him."  I pushed past him and continued walking. He followed me, pulling out his phone. "He's calling the police so they can come and lock you up. Stop him." I turned around and grabbed the phone from his hand.

I brought the phone up to my ear in curiosity. "Hello?" I asked through the phone.

"Harry? What's going on?" Liam asked through the line. My eyes darted to Mark. "He called you." I spoke. It was an obvious fact that I felt the need to say.

"Punish him." 

"He did. Just tell me where you guys are. I'll come." Liam said. But I didn't want him to. I was going to hurt his friend and I didn't want him to see this.

I threw the phone in the road, a car rolling on it. Mark didn't seem to mind it. He just watched it getting crushed.

My fist then connected with his face. He fell back in surprise, giving me the chance to over power him. I sat on top of him and continued hitting. He never fought back or anything. He just let it happen.

Until he fell unconscious that is. His eyes closed and he completely stopped moving. So I stood up and continued my walk to god knows where.

I was just following the voice.

I put my hands in my pockets and my eyes connected with the sidewalk once again. I would look around once in a while to see where I was and make sure no one was following me. I didn't need people finding me. They would just put me to sleep like they always do. As if sleeping would cure me.

For a moment, I thought Liam could cure me. Since everyone told me I was just sick. But I was just another kid to him. I was nothing.

"Stop thinking about him. Punish yourself."  The voice spoke. I shook my head. "No." I wasn't going to hurt myself. That would really be crazy.

"Just do it!" I continued shaking my head. The voice kept going on and on, telling me that I needed to be punished for my sins.

My hands flew to my ears, trying to block out the voice. But it wasn't working. So I stopped walking, putting my forehead against a brick building.

"Shut up!" I yelled. People walked past, staring at me. But no one was helping me. And I needed help at that moment. Great help.

But the voice didn't stop. It wasn't giving up. I yelled at the top of my lungs, trying to scare it. But of course that didn't help.

I sobbed and cried. I slowly walked to a close alley. I then walked deep in the darkness.

I didn't want anyone finding me. Not now, not ever.

And then I did it. I connected my fist with my jaw. It hurt, but I did it again. I continued to please the voice. I started spitting out blood and my vision became blurry.

But I knew the voice was right. I needed to be punished for my sins. I looked around, in hopes of finding something that would hurt. But nothing.

I walked over to a brick wall, placing my hands on it while I faced it. I stared at the red stone. I then used all the force I had left to hit my forehead to the brick.

I thought the punching hurt. This was horrible.

I yelled, hitting my head once again. I then stopped completely. "That's enough." I whispered. I couldn't take it anymore. I was hurting and weak in a dark alley.

If this wasn't real like, someone would come out to hurt me now. But the only danger here was me.

I spit on the ground, more blood coming out. I looked back up at the wall. Blood was covering a part of it. But not too much.

"What the hell Harry?" I turned my head slowly to see Liam running towards me. The lights from the street at the end of the alley made him look like an angel trying to save me.

But he was no angel. He was cheating on his girlfriend, he was gay, and he was seeing a minor. So many sins for just one men.

My legs gave up. From weakness and Liam's affect on me. I hated how attracted to him I was. I just needed punishment to help me understand.

So I connected my fist with my jaw once again. "Stop thinking like this Harry." I whispered to myself, hitting myself once again. But I was soon stopped.

Liam grabbed both my hands to stop me. I tried to pull away but he was too strong. I screamed like crazy, wanting him to let me go. But it was no use.

"Don't hurt yourself like that Harry." Liam said. I shook my head, still trying to pull away.

Luckily, we were still next to the wall, so I didn't need my hands for punishment.

The last thing I remember is my head connecting with wall while Liam yelled my name.