For Our Eyes Only

9- The Ugly

Louis was pretty well numb as he drove to the hospital to see his mum. He could barely remember the drive there and it was a wonder that he had not gotten himself killed. He was incredibly afraid of what condition his mum was in.

By the time Louis made it to the hospital he was a complete mess. He took a minute in the car to compose himself before finally going in to find his mum.

"Mum?" He asked, entering her room.

Johannah opened her eyes, and smiled once she saw her son. "Hi Louis." She answered sleepily, clearly not quite herself.

Louis noticed how pale she was as she struggled to prop herself up. He swallowed back the pain that came with watching her. Instead he pulled up a chair beside her bed and sat down.

"Alright mum?"

"Well," Johannah started, "I don't know how else to put it other than the doctors don't think I have much time left."

Louis choked back tears a little at this, and reached out for her hand. "Oh mum."

"I'm so sorry Louis. The cancer is spreading more and more and there's not really a lot else they can do."

She reached out to hug him then, and Louis held here back as he started to cry. He felt so small, like a little kid again. He had known it was terminal all along, the doctors had said it from the start. Still, hearing that she was dying made him feel like someone was tearing his insides apart.

It took a few minutes but Louis finally managed to compose himself, at least enough to speak somewhat sensibly.

"How long do you- do you have left?" He sniffled.

"They're not exactly sure to be honest," Johanna's sighed, closing her eyes and thinking. "Hopefully past Christmas."

Louis grabbed her hand again, rubbing it while staring off into space. Nothing felt real.

He really did feel so small in that moment, and all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and disappear. He loved his mum, and it was so unfair. But when was cancer ever fair? Death always had a way of being inconvenient after all.

"Have you been talking to Harry?" Johannah asked, breaking the silent and causing Louis to jump from his thoughts.

"What? Oh. Yeah. We've called a couple times and texted a bit, but he's been really busy with the whole filming thing,"

Johannah smiled, "I always hoped you two would reconnect again. You always have been meant for each other."

Louis blushed a little and wiped his face with his jumped sleeve. "Oh mum," he said, chuckling a little.

"I'm serious Lou," she smiled, "I think that you two really do have something special."

Louis blushed a little more and looked down in his lap. He'd pretty well avoided talking about Harry much anymore, so he didn't really know what to say.

The doctor came in then, bringing Johannah some medicine for her pain, checking her vitals, and then leaving.

Louis could tell his mum was getting tired then, so they talked about lighter things, like the music he was working on and Freddie.

"How is Freddie doing then?" She asked sleepily yet still interested.

Louis smiled. "He's doing great. He's almost walking and I think he'll be talking soon."

He went on talking about his son, telling her all the things he had been up to. It seemed so insignificant in some ways, but it was a nice escape from reality for a moment. It was just them and the world, and no one else for that moment. It was nice.