Addiction

Chapter 38.

Before Dr. James had to leave the office to attend a family matter he asked me to lock up. When he gave me an extra set of keys from his drawer my eye caught another single key before he closed the drawer and was on his way.

There was another half hour before I was able to lock the doors, Dr. Reece and Dr. Horgan were already gone as well. It was just me and my thoughts of Hayden's sexual history, alone in the clinic.

I didn't get much time to think about everything Hayden told me yesterday, there was so much to take in. There were so many questions I didn't ask him that I should've asked instead of asking how many women he has slept with in the past.

That was a huge mistake on my part and I can never get the answer out of my mind. He is 27 years old and has managed to sleep with thousands of women. I guess a better way to think of this is out of the 7.2607 billion people in the world he's hasn't slept with 7 billion 260 million 670 thousand 800 hundred people, give or take.

That didn't make me feel any better all it did was put larger numbers in my head.

What did make me feel better is knowing out of all those women, I am the only one he wants.

Though sometimes I worry that I am not enough for him and Hayden will get bored of me and will leave me to go back to his usual late night rendezvous. Leaving me with the impossible mission to find someone who can make me happy the way Hayden makes me happy, someone who will treat me the way Hayden treats me, someone who will sexually arouse me only the way Hayden can. I already know I will never find someone else that's good for me the way Hayden is.

I stare at the clock on the wall, only five minutes have passed since Dr. James left. I still have another 25 minutes and I don't know what to do with myself. I stand up walking around the office.

Hmm . . . Dr. James left his door unlocked.

I enter walking around the dark vacant room, it always smells like autumn in here, maybe it's because of the vanilla chai Yankee scented candles he lights every morning. It seems he has an endless supply of the same scented candle.

Ever since I started working here I wanted to see the files in Dr. James filing cabinet behind his desk. I knew it wasn't my place to be snooping around in there but my ever-so-persistent curiosity was burning as I walked past it. I search through Dr. James drawer to find that one key. Picking up the key, I stick it in the keyhole. This single key will open the cabinet revealing all of his patients secrets, but there was only one file I wanted to look through.

They're locked up for a reason, doctor- patient confidentiality. My subconscious is glowering at me.

I know, I know but one little peak into his file won't do any harm. I tell myself.

Oh yes it can, if anyone finds out you could lose your job and get sued, Dr. James can get sued and lose his entire practice, and it'll all be your fault. She snarls.

That's so extreme.

I frown unlocking the filing cabinet. The files were organized by last name. The first cabinet had the letters A-F, the second; G-L, the third; M-R, and the last; S-Z. Lowering myself to get to the floor, I search through the S' looking straight at the last few files folders. Stainbrook, Stewart, Stymest . . . oh there he is. Stymest, Hayden.

I take out his folder leaving an empty space where his should be. Opening the file there was a pile of papers on the right side and a few pieces of paper on the left side. The papers on the right were Dr. James' notes on every single therapy session with Hayden, the  papers on the left were the intake forms he filled out before his first session; the intake questionnaires, a policy statement signed by Hayden, a notice of privacy, and an authorization for pre-arranged payments. The last two papers were a sexual addiction screen test answered by Hayden, and Dr. James' evaluation form. I take out the last two papers, first reading Dr. James evaluation form.