Addiction

Chapter 42.

Since Hayden kissed Lina, I've been very distant with him. And Hayden going to New York for the weekend made it even easier to distance myself from him. He is in New York in meetings while I am in Washington, trying desperately to forgive him for the kiss.

I want to forgive him but what's stopping me is all of our conversations that led up to that kiss. His controlling and manipulating me, him telling me about his addiction and his need for control, his rendezvous with numerous women whenever we weren't together, his response to me telling him I loved him (the drunken first time), the words he spoke to me after his nightmare.

All of those conversations held between us tie in to the fact that he doesn't actually want me. He said it himself, "I don't want you to love me" . . . "you ruined me Alice" . . . "I'm tired of you, I'm tired of this" . . . "I want to go back to the guy I was before we ever met" . . . "you don't get a happy ending with me, I'm just the guy who took your virginity in Vegas."

But then there are those other conversations when he's vulnerable. Those conversations give me hope that maybe, if I'm with him long enough and I love him hard enough, my love for him will be returned. That's the day I look forward too, and I use his sweet loving words as my influence to keep me going, telling me to stay. "I like you and care about you in ways I never have for anyone else" . . . "I need you" . . . "I like having you around, you're good for me" . . . "I don't want you to ever leave me"

I must admit that being here this weekend without Hayden or anyone is boring and lonely. I don't like being alone and I have no close friends to call. Reign lives in Chicago and Ryder is no longer my friend, there are other people I associated myself with in high school and college but no one I continued talking with after my first four years.

Then there's Christopher, but he's like a work friend (though he knows most if not all of my affairs.)

Well I can always talk to my mother.

I laugh at the thought of talking to her right now.

I have yet to get past everything that happened and all of the lies that were told, but out of all of the people who lied to me, it's her who I feel the most repugnance with.

And then there's David and Stephen, who were there my entire life but never once said anything or hinted at anything. I just don't understand why they chose to keep this from me.

My phone rung on the counter and without checking the caller ID, I answer it. I automatically assumed it would be Hayden since he told me he'd call me when he got the chance, but he hasn't called. He only sent a text letting me know he landed and that he'd call soon. "Hello?"

"Alice, honey, it's David Alexander." I scoff in the phone. Speaking of the devil. I wouldn't have answered if I knew it was him. "Don't hang up please I want to talk with you."

"What could you possibly have to say to me Mr. Alexander? Any more outrageous news to throw at me?"

"Alice we need to talk about this face to face. There's a lot you don't know. There are reasons why we kept this from you and I'm not going to tell you over the phone. Come to my house, I'll be waiting here for you."

The chance that there is a liable reason behind their choice to lie is zero to none. And if there is a reason, the possibly of me believing it and being okay with it is even smaller. But I want to know what he has to say to me, after all he is my father.

"Fine." I mutter ending the call before he gets the chance to say anything else.

Mr. Alexander's youngest maid offers me food and drink which I politely decline. I would've taken the food because its food, but Mrs. Sutter already prepared food for me to eat this weekend. I'm just here for information.