Addiction

Chapter 24.

I fix my ivory and black Valentino gown one last time checking my appearance in the mirror. The silky material feeling flawless on my skin as it flows to the floor, the plunging neckline still able to hide the hickeys. To add to the look, I wore my black RockStud Leather T-Strap pumps also by Valentino. Reign thought my original dress was too bland for this occasion; this dress was my number two option and she loved it so I went with it. I must admit, Reign was right, this outfit was so much better than my original choice. I shrug on my purple gown followed by the PhD hood and finally the tam with the gold tassel.

Reign drove my car with me to get to the school, blasting different pop genre songs on the radio, occasionally changing stations when a song came on that she didn't like or that was becoming too boring. The music helped with some of my nerves of both the ceremony and the possibility that I might see Hayden today.

I haven't heard from Hayden at all. It was now Wednesday and I was getting a little worried. Reign entertained me all of Tuesday, she didn't give me much room to think about Hayden or anyone else for that matter. Ryder hasn't talked to me either since our last conversation before I fell asleep at his house. I don't have any feelings for Ryder, he's just a great friend and has been since I met him. I don't want to ruin that friendship over one-sided feelings. 

After contacting them both and failing to get through to either of them, I left them a voice message reminding them of my graduation.

Hey Ryder it's Alice, You're still upset with me, I know, but I want you to come to my graduation tomorrow. You were there with me during most of the years, and I wouldn't want to end it without you.

Hi Hayden, I know you're a very busy man with your own business to run and you don't have much time for silly distractions like myself, but I want to invite you to my graduation tomorrow. I would love for you come, but I understand if you're busy and can't show.

"Alice, I'm starting to think you made this Hayden guy up and it's all a bunch of delusions you made up. I desperately want to meet him before I go home."

I couldn't help but laugh, "I'm starting to think I made him up too. I honestly don't know if I'll ever see him again."

"I'm sure you will, just give him some time."

"How much time?"

"Give him another week and then if he doesn't make an effort to contact you or to see you, then you have to make a decision. To continue waiting or to move on. You can't wait for someone who doesn't want you the way you want them, you have to learn to move on."

"But if I don't speak to him, I'm going to move on thinking he lied to me and that he really was just using me, and I don't want to feel that way about him. I don't want to categorize him in my mind as a liar and exploiter."

"Then you should show up at his front door and get all of the answers and the closure that you need, then from there you make your decision. To leave him or to stay with him." She tells me parking my car in the already jam-packed campus parking lot. "But for now, Alice, focus on not falling as you walk up to get your diploma. I'm so proud of you Alice, if your mother were here she'd be proud of you too."

"I know, thank you Reign." I hug her before we both enter the school then going our separate ways, Reign going to meet up with my dad in the Husky Stadium while I go with all of the other students awaiting the ceremony to begin.

By 12:30 the bleachers are filled with thousands of people; families, friends, loved ones. They were beginning to line us up at the outdoor practice field, group by group; those graduating with a bachelor's, those graduating with a master's, and those graduating with a doctoral degree. By 1:15 they let us walk. As I walk through the stadium among the other students getting their doctoral degree, I look towards the bleachers for him. I wanted to see him again. I spot my Dad, Mr. Alexander, Reign, and Ryder sitting midway on the bleachers. As Reign and my father wave at me I wave back, smiling their way.