Addiction

Chapter 34.

As my period was nearing the end it was only then I remembered I was supposed to go back to Dr. Burhman's office to get my depo shot. The appointment was quick, though they still decided to take my weight and height, as if I was going to grow a few inches in the past week. She still had me pee in a cup too. The nurse then stuck a test in my urine and informed that it was negative." I already knew I wasn't pregnant because I was on my period. I understood it was just protocol so I didn't comment anything about it.

Though I tried to avoid going back to my dad's I end up having to go there anyway. The moving company Hayden hired needed a key to get into the place and needed to know what exactly they were packing and what was staying. So I got over myself and I went to the house, thankfully it was empty, no sign of either of my parents anywhere.

I packed clothes, the items in my bathroom, and very few personal items like picture frames and room decor. And then I left before the moving company even finished packing boxes. I had to get out of there before my father got home or even my mother, wherever she's staying.

I know I need to talk to her before her time actually comes and this time it won't be fake. She will actually be dead and our last conversation would be me telling her I despise her. I have to come to grips with her resurrection, then and only then will I be able to have a conversation with her without feeling like my entire world is ruined because she's back.

Though she plays a part in my chaotic life, so does Hayden. And if I can forgive Hayden so easily why can't I forgive my mother? Hayden hurt me and my mother hurt me, they might be on two different ends on a scale, but they are two people that I love who are the cause behind my life becoming a disorganized mess.

It may seem like I worked things out with Hayden because I agreed to move in with him, but I didn't. My items may be going to his house but I won't psychically be there. I'm going back to my hotel until I either run out of clean clothes to pair together or until after I speak with Ryder and my mother and my life is back in order.

I was going to be seeing Hayden in tomorrow at the clinic and he will most likely ask me why I haven't moved in yet and I wouldn't know what to tell him. After I was able to ponder on everything he said to me at the beach, I'm actually developing feelings about his words and they were starting to sink in.

He slept with someone else just after I left his house which means that when I'm not with him he moves on easily.

We're not exclusive but he wants to be with me and wants me to move in with him, yet he tells me he slept with someone else. It's confusing, he's confusing.

He's been manipulating me into doing the things that he wants to do. I didn't necessarily think that this is true, if I didn't want to do something I wouldn't do it. I don't say no to things because he makes the idea of doing things with him sound appealing. Oh wait . . . that's what he meant.

He has a way with words which is the reason why he always gets what he wants. He managed to get me to drink alcohol, get on my knees for him, come back to him after he said rude things about me to his ex whatever she is, go to Vegas and have sex with him, make myself look desperate to get back with him after he stopped talking to me for an entire week, giving him silent permission to have his way with me, coming back to him after that, and now moving in with him. He's a fucking master at getting what he wants and making me think that I want it too, which I kind of do because it's him. I give him permission to do whatever with me because I want him and I will do whatever he wants so that I can have him.

This—our current relationship—is so unhealthy.

Things are happening too quick and it's now time to take things at my own pace. It's time for me to claim my life back and take thing into my own hands. This is me getting my shit together.