Addiction

Chapter 35.

After a week of lonely hotel nights, I'm officially ready. I have nothing to lose. I'm at a good place, I may have lost a friend but my mother is alive and I have Hayden. Someone who wants me, not as much as I want him, but he wants me. He likes me and doesn't want to hurt me. He's willing to try and make certain compromises to have me in his life and I admire that.

I am ready to move into Hayden's house and not just go over there when I want sex. I want more than just sex. I want him to hold me until I fall asleep. I want him to be the first person I see when I wake up. I want him and I to make endless memories, good memories, together.

I know he still has a past that he wishes to keep hidden from me, and my need to know it still hasn't changed. I am going to wait, I can't force him to talk to me. He needs to trust me and feel comfortable with me to be able to share this type of information with me. I was only thinking of myself when I kept pressuring him to open up to me.

I think I know enough about him to know that this is a good idea. I know that he had a rough start at life and was forced to live with Lina's family at fourteen years old. I know his favorite dessert is cake pops. I know he hates anything strawberry, especially jam. I know he likes poetry and he used to write. I know he plays musical instruments and does things to please an insatiable man. I know he prefers older movies and has a slight obsession with Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe, one who's classy and the other who's considered as trashy. I know he doesn't like sleeping with girls who are too drunk but drunk enough to forget him. I know he doesn't believe in love. I know he does things to spite people who hurt him. I know he doesn't want to be the person that he is right now, he wants to change for the better. I know he likes sex, a lot. I know he's a good dancer with too much money and an ego bigger than the state of Texas. I know he uses humor and sex as a defense mechanism. I know things about him that he says a lot of other people don't know. To me, it may not be much. But to him, it's everything.

The only problems about moving into his house now are my parents. I wanted my entire situation to be handled before I moved in. But I've still been avoiding their calls and I haven't been back to the house.

It's not like I don't want to talk to my father, it's my mother. I tried to give her a chance but I found her reasoning to be selfish and stupid. She slept with her client who used sex as a defense mechanism to cope in his every day life and ended up getting pregnant with me. I'm the result of a psychologically illegal relationship.

I found myself wanting to know who initiated the relationship; was it my mother or Mr. Alexander? Did my mother abuse her power of authority and take advantage of him? How long did their relationship last for her to fall in love with him? How long did my father know about it and why didn't he leave her sooner? Why did he wait until I was seven years old to make up a story about my mother dying, when he could've just separated us from the beginning. I wouldn't have to know of her or care this much, she would've been a deadbeat mom. She still is now, but the difference is that I wouldn't have known her at all. I wouldn't care if she were dead or alive because I didn't know her.

I bring it upon myself to open Hayden's study door, finding him sitting in front of his computer. "Hi." I mutter.

He looks up from the screen, a boyish grin spreading over his face, "Third time this week, and it's only Friday." He comments, his tone amused.

"Yeah but this time I'm here to stay."

He stands from his chair, "You're moving in?"

"I'm moving in." I repeat, no longer trying to hide my mirth.

"This is exceptional news Alice, please, have a drink with me." Before I get the chance to respond he was already pouring drinks in the glasses. Just like he did before he fills mine with ice. Handing the glass off to me he stands in front of me, "Here's to trying new things together, getting to know each other better, and a ton of sex whenever."