Words a Mother Never Heard (Wattys2016)

Thank You

Thank you for going on Nichole's journey with me. I am so honored that you have allowed me to share my baby girl's poetry with you.

This is a very somber moment in time for me, there are so many memories of Nichole and I could go on forever. I don't know if this will make any sense, but I feel like I am saying goodbye to her all over again. I am flooded with emotions, both happy and sad.

I remember the first time I held Nichole and the last time I hugged her, both seem like yesterday. For the last eleven years I have been struggling to understand why God had to take her home so early. I guess what my husband says is true, that I will never know why until I am with her in heaven.

Nichole was such a character and loved to tell jokes. She would call up her grandpa just to say, "Hey Grandpa, got one for you." She made him laugh every time. I like to think she is the headliner in the great comedy club in the sky. Making even the angels laugh.

She struggled for so long to find herself and to love herself as everyone else did. She finally got there but she had so little time to really enjoy being free of all those dark thoughts. However I thank God that she got a chance to know what true love was, and to finally be treated with the way she deserved to be treated.

I have loved every minute of this journey with you. Your kind words and your understanding will be in my heart always. I have said so many times that I should have known how she felt. You have helped me come to terms with the fact that, there is no way I could have known, if she had not shared those feelings with me. I understand that, and my head definitely understands what you have said, however my heart will always wonder. If no one has ever told you, you all are wonderful counselors! If I could, I would hug each and every one of you and thank you personally, but these words will have to do.

To all the young people who have read Nichole's poetry and the things I have said, please, please know that you are not alone. The people that love you cannot help you if they don't know what is wrong. There are times in everyone's life that they feel all alone, but we are not. If you feel like you can't turn to your parents (but I hope you can), find someone you can talk to. Reach out and you will find a loving hand there ready to help you along your way.

I am ending this journey with the obituary I wrote for Nichole.

Thank you all and God Bless each and everyone of you.