Sleeping With a Friend

Chapter Thirty-One

We got to the church and everyone ran around like chickens without heads. I didn't really know what was going on until someone came up to me and started yelling about something to do with flowers, then they ran away. I think she was crazy. But who wouldn't be with thirty minutes to go until Sophie and Luke tied the knot for real. As the minutes ticked away, I found myself still unable to wrap my head around the fact that I would have to walk down the aisle with Ashton, whom I have not seen for now weeks.

I thought I was doing fine without him. I thought that the unnecessary need for me to see him was good sign, that those feelings I had tried so hard to bury deep within my soul were finally gone and I could have a mere thought of him and it just be that, a mere thought. I was terribly mistaken. The entire ride to the church I was squeezing at the seat beneath me, wondering what he would be wearing. Of course it would be a suit. Wondering how his hair would be, if he would have slicked it back or let it down to show the slight wave in the pieces at his forehead.

"Y/N are you alright?" I was standing against the wall just outside of the room Sophie was finishing up in, picking at my nail polish. The color now completely gone from my left pinky nail. Sophie's mom stared at me intently. I knew she'd wait right there until she got her answer.

"Yeah, yeah totally fine. Just so excited it's getting the best of me!" That was a lie. In fact for the better part of the day it was like this big blur of happening. Sophie was pregnant, getting married, and I was forced to come face to face with who I was hiding from within myself. I had finally become so comfortable in my own skin, with my own thoughts and things I knew I wanted, that now I finally had them, I was missing the one thing I wanted most all alone.

"Aren't we all?" She grinned, squeezed my arm and then walked away. I was left alone once again.

I found myself strolling down the hallway, as I got closer to the entrance of the pews I could hear all the chatter that was going on inside. I peeked around the door and saw the first few rows were almost completely full, everyone wanting to be up close and personal with the bride and groom as they say their "I do's". Luke was up at the altar, talking to Michael, who was a groomsmen. But as I looked around I didn't see Ashton anywhere and worried that he wouldn't show up and I would be forced to walk down the aisle all alone. Maybe that was as sign that I was just destined to be alone for my life.

"Scouting out the guests?" Another person, catching me off guard and taking me out of my thoughts once again. I whipped my head around too fast and ended up falling backwards, the corner of the wall catching my fall and I gripped it for dear life. A pair of arms secluded me though, Ashton's, helping me stand back up without the help of the wall. "Whoa, did you do a little bit of drinking before coming here?" He laughed and I smiled at hearing it. So quickly did I find myself falling back into old habits.

"No," I began chuckling, "I wasn't drinking. You startled me. That's all." I breathed through my nose. Ashton stuffed his hands in his pockets and I took a quick second to take in his appearance. Suit, check. Hair slicked back, check. Me staring longer then I should be, check.

"I can't believe it's finally the wedding. Feels like just yesterday they were getting us to meet." If I had to hear one more person say they couldn't believe the wedding was already here, I'd have to put ear plugs in to tune them out.

"As if it's not crazy enough." I fixed the sides of my dress, avoiding as much eye contact as I could with him.

"Did you get the flowers I sent you?" He asked out of nowhere. Well, it wasn't really nowhere, more like trying to make conversation out of an awkward situation.

"Flowers? No I didn't get any." I lied, once again. I should have known he was the culprit behind the bouquet of flowers I received after my promotion. I spent a whole week and a half trying to figure out who the hell it was. I didn't want to admit that I was completely flattered by them, nor did I want to admit that I secretly hoped it was him who sent them because I didn't even want to say it out loud. If I said it out loud and actually heard myself saying those words I knew I would hate myself for spilling the beans. Maybe I could tell him that he probably sent them to my old apartment and spin the tale of an entirely different story and completely changing the topic so I wouldn't blush and I wouldn't show Ashton that I was glad he sent me them. Or that I wasn't glad I left him that night in the diner after Sophie's engagement party and that deeply regretted that decision. That I shouldn't have ever screwed this thing up because I regret every. Single. Second. Of. It.

Regret. It eats you alive until you're a rotting corpse.

"Y/N it's time to get moving!" Sophie came out of her room, glowing with either the pregnancy or the thought of getting married. Ashton and I hurried along, doing just as the bridezilla instructed. I shouldn't say that. All along she wasn't at all the bridezilla I thought she was going to be.

The iconic wedding march started to play and one by one the bridesmaids walked down the aisle with their partnered groomsmen. Michael was with his girlfriend and I only thought for a brief moment that if it would have been me if we were still together, but I see now that it was never him I was supposed to be with.

The ceremony happened, and when it did, it was purely beautiful. For one moment, while they said their vows, I was able to marvel in the beauty of it. And for a very long second, while I watched everyone else's faces in the room. Sophie's mother was crying, of course. Luke's parents were smiling, holding each other in a moment of bliss. Then there was Ashton. He smiled at me, dimples making him looking like a small child, yet he still looked sophisticated and groomed. I grinned back at him, then ducked my head, avoiding the blush that I could feel on my cheeks.

Everyone started cheering and clapping and the, now, newlyweds walked hand in hand past the pews. There was a part after the ceremony where they had to thank everyone for coming, this didn't involve me, just the parents of the bride and groom and of course the bride and groom. The next hour was going to be a busy one as everyone hurried around to go to the reception.

All of this love in the air was making me feel suffocated so I stepped out and while Sophie and Luke got into their limo, I stayed to the side, letting everyone fawn over them, throwing rice and all that stuff people do at weddings.

"Why are you over here? All by your lonesome." Ashton walked up to me, not startling me like he did earlier.

"For as long as I've known her, Sophie's loved the attention. I figure it's better she get it from everyone."

"You mean everyone but you?" He had a shovel and was ready to dig a deep hole into my heart.

"I'm just getting used to being alone. Sophie's been my best friend and now she's married. It's life." I was having a hard time believing I could even do that with all of these feelings resurfacing, but I had to. I had no choice.

"You don't have to be along Y/N." Ashton told me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I didn't say anything. I had forgotten that words and speaking even existed for a second. "Why don't you come with me to the reception?"

"You mean in your car?" He laughed at me.

"No on roller skates." I cackled at him. "Yeah, in my car. C'mon. You know I don't bite. Think of me as your date." The word made my stomach do 4 thousand flips in under a minute. I answered him with a nod and together we went to the reception.