Sleeping With a Friend

Chapter Twenty-Four

How is it that even after all this time, all I was feeling was remorse towards Ashton? As if he had done nothing wrong to push me away in the first place. Even after months, I still somehow imagined having pleasant conversations with him. It was stupid of me to think that I could escape him and the vortex that showed up around him, sucking me back in to whatever it was we had. As many times as I tried to convince myself that I was happy with Michael, that he was what I had been waiting for, it didn't work. It was like a hopeless cause I was constantly fidgeting with inside my head.

I couldn't just break up with him, I realize as I stare up at him while the engagement party of our best friends we still going on. It was tough for me to even believe I was thinking about it at this very moment, when things were supposed to be all happy-go-lucky in the world.

"Here you go, one drink for you and one for you." Sophie handed Michael and I our drinks she had offered to get.

"Thanks." I told her taking a sip, "How do you even know this many people anyway?"

"Work." She chuckled, "There's a bunch of people from the station and from Luke's work. Some family, friends." I should have known, the socialite she is and all.

Before I knew it the glass in my hand was empty, the contents now flowing through my bloodstream and giving me a rush of energy. Luke had intrigued Michael with talk about some sports team, leaving Sophie and I to talk amongst ourselves. The boys had unknowingly walked off into a different part of the house, I could hear Luke saying something about how bad the team did.

"So!" I set my glass on a side table and turned back to Sophie, "When did you plan on telling me that you moved in with Luke? Were you just going to wait for the wedding to tell me that you had a new address?" She looked taken aback.

"Where's this coming from? Did you and Michael have a fight?" Her voice was hushed as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, well a "trying to be comforting" hand in which I ended up just leaning away from and crossing my arms over my chest.

"No, we didn't have a fight." I spat, "I'm just curious as to why you're doing this so quickly. Moving in with Luke, getting engaged, the party-it's all in the matter of months, not years. Whatever happened to enjoying the engagement before loading yourself up with all sorts of work for a wedding?" I was rambling on all the things I felt she was doing wrong without giving her a chance to stop me or begin explaining. I could feel another wedge being pushed between us just like the one that was pushed between Michael and I.

"I wanted to tell you." She whispered after a few seconds.

"But you didn't. I'm you're best friend, we're supposed to share life changing moments in our lives. It's kind of what the title implies without actually saying it." I put a fake smile on, trying to lighten the air around us. Everyone else was having a pleasant time and then there was us, in the midst of happiness and delight and discussion of wedding, having a brawl with words.

It might have been a quiet one, but it was still a brawl.

"Do you really wanna know why I didn't tell you?" She spat and I nodded, waiting for her to continue, "You've been so wrapped up in Michael and whatever it is you're trying to do with that, that I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You've changed Y/N, and I'm not sure if it's for better or for worse." My mouth was agape, a little upset that she connected the dots and came up with that answer.

"You think I'm just with Michael for the hell of it don't you? Are you forgetting that it was your idea in the first place?"

"That's not what I mean." She huffed, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Can we please not talk about this now? I'm trying to enjoy my party."

"Right, you're party. I'm sorry for wanting to share this happy moment with you and for trying to be your best friend." I told her, shaking my head, "Enjoy you're night." It was her party, yet it felt like she was throwing it in my face.

As I turned away from her and made my way through their house, I couldn't see Michael anywhere. I could feel my face red with both anger and anxiousness, mazing my way into a different room. When I couldn't find him after at least 10 minutes of searching I decided to just wait outside and try to call him from a much calmer setting. I found myself speed-walking out of the party and onto the sidewalk, taking a deep breath of fresh air.

"Different huh? The two of them together like this." I turned my head around seeing Ashton walking toward me.

"What are you doing out here? I'm waiting for Michael and once he gets out here-"

"Once he gets out here what? What will happen? You'll go off with him and pretend you're happy? You and I both know you aren't." I felt like he had been reading my mind all night, or at least watching me. "I see the way you look when you're with him," He was standing right behind me now, "I can see the fake smile you have when you're with him and how you're mind wonders off. I can see it in your face, your eyes."

"You got all of that just from one night?" I looked down at my feet, crossing my right foot over my left. I held my elbows over my chest, trying to stay warm in this chilly night.

"Yeah," Ashton let out a low chuckle, "Yeah I did. I know you Y/N, almost better than anyone."

I refused to look at him in the eye like I had only an hour ago. I could feel the vortex around him already beginning to work its toll on me.

"You're cold, here." I heard him shuffle, taking off his jacket and move to put it over my shoulders, but I shifted away.

"I don't need your jacket. I don't need anything from you." I sucked in a deep breath and could feel tears start to build up. I couldn't let them fall in front of him, I already made that mistake once and I couldn't do it again. If I allowed myself to show him how vulnerable he made me for a second time, it would prove that I was a hopeless cause and lost in his vortex forever.

"Y/N I'm sorry, you have to believe me. I didn't mean what I said that day in your apartment. I never realized you had feelings for me." Ashton explained after a moment of pure silence between us. He fastened his jacket on my shoulders with a sympathetic smile. "I really am sorry about everything." His hands were on my shoulders. It took everything in me not to turn around throw myself at him.

The air between us got quiet once more and I completely forgot about the party or Michael or what I was even doing here in the first place. I did turn around to face him, but I didn't allow myself for it to go any further than that. I had to draw a line, and this is where I was drawing it.

"I don't expect you to just let me back into your life so easy. Just think about my apology."

"Why is it that anytime I get in a fight with someone, you're always there?" It seemed to be the repetition of actions between us. I would get in a fight with Sophie and he would be there to catch me when I fall. Except, the time I wanted him to be there he wasn't.

Ashton grinned, sticking his hands in his jean pockets, "I don't know." He shrugged, "Maybe its fate." We both laughed and a blush crept on my cheeks. "Let me take you out for a drink."

I didn't know what his true intentions were, but after the night I had I wouldn't mind getting a few more drinks in my system.

"Just as friends." He added to push away any thoughts that I could have come up with in the time being.

"I don't know..."

"Come on, just one drink. That's all." The grin on his face could convince someone to jump off a bridge—I wasn't ready to take such drastic measures thought.

"Okay, one drink." I agreed.

Just friends, that's exactly how this whole thing started.