My Life in Rosewood

Chapter Forty- Five

Hi everyone, so sorry for the delay. Here's a new chapter for you guys. Enjoy!

----

A couple days pass and I wake up knowing what day it is immediately. The event that changed my life forever and I still can barely function from it. The day my family died. I don't even want to get out of bed. My body is heavy and so are my thoughts and emotions. My head is pounding, the light hurts my eyes. All the normal symptoms when my depression is striking hard core.

My eyes stay glued to the wall in front of me as I'm rolled on my side, Aria's alarm going off for the second time in 15 minutes. Normally I'd go back to sleep and she'd have to wake me up once she's ready, but this time I wasn't able to from my nonstop thoughts. So I hear her feet hit the floor with a THUD and then she shuffles out of the room.

I'm not sure how much time passes when I hear her come back into the room, but now I have my eyes closed from the light through the window being too much for me. I'm still awake however, and feel the light pat of her hand to my arm to wake me up like she always does. I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to be alive. These are the words going through my head the whole time.

She pats me again when I don't react the first time, "Jessie..."

I don't have the strength to open my eyes. I barely even have the energy to speak. So I just give her a soft, "I can't do it." The tone in my voice I can tell even myself that it's not good. I sound tired, hoarsed, defeated.

My bed indents as she sits on it, her hand on my side. I still don't open my eyes or shift to her. I'm just laying here, frozen in my own pain. "You promised you'd try." She says this gently, and with a lot of concern.

I slowly nod to her words, feeling the tears behind my closed eyes. Everyone knows today is the day and they wanted me to try my best to get out of bed and go to school for a distraction. But once the morning arrived that all went out the window. Every day when I fall asleep I assume I was dreaming and when I'd wake up they'd be here. But nope, that's never the case, and I still wish I died with them.

"I know." I whisper, feeling my throat closing up now. Then I feel her shift again and she hops over my legs to be on my other side. This time I open my eyes, but that's such a struggle from how exhausted I feel. The light burns but I'm able to make out that she's sitting up against the wall and has her eyes on me.

"Then we'll stay home together." She tilts her head and gives me a soft smile. Her eyes are sad and I can tell she's holding her emotions back for my sake.

I take a deep breath, a slight hiccup goes with it because I'm holding in my need to cry too. "I just...need to sleep."

She presses her lips together, watching me with such concern it hurts to see. "Maybe we should visit their graves."

This hurts even more to hear, to know it's the year anniversary and they are nothing but headstones now. "I don't know if I can."

I haven't seen their graves since the funeral. The fact they're in New Jersey makes it hard to just pick up and leave, but also the thought of seeing them that way again. I don't think I could handle it.

She smiles lovingly and smoothes out the strands of hair out of my face since I just woke up, "I know." she reaches her hand out to me now, "But we should try."

My eyes land on her hand, feeling all the emotions building more. I obviously know this would also be for her and her family's benefits too. They haven't seen the graves since they weren't here when it happened. So I slowly unwind myself from my blanket and grab her hand in mine, "Okay."