One of the Boys

Chapter 19

The beach is looking beautiful, the sun slipping lower on the horizon, turning the water into an opaque orange glow, mirroring the more subtle sky. There are a few late surfers dipping among the waves, nothing but silhouettes. A part of me hopes that none of them are PJ or Zac.

Trina and I take off our flip-flops and walk down onto the sand, towards the waves. She's scanning the surfers, and as we get closer I immediately recognise one of them as PJ – he's wearing those horrendous orange board shorts. Trina doesn't recognise him though, so I choose not to say anything.

He's sitting on his board, staring out at the sunset, shielding his eyes. Knowing PJ he's probably challenging how long he can look at the sun through curiosity. It's horrible for his eyes and he knows it, but he can't help it. Finally he looks away and spots us on the beach. At the sight of my face he turns away, fast enough that I hope Trina didn't see him.

"There! That's PJ in the orange shorts!" Crap. She did. "PJ!" Trina calls.

He clearly hears her but pretends he doesn't. I take a deep breath. "Come on PJ!" I yell. "Don't be difficult!"

He turns around, visibly sighs and paddles back towards the beach. It feels like an eternity before he's on dry land, walking towards us.

"This better be good Ally," he says, seemingly level headed even though I know he must be furious inside.

"I- I..." I don't know what to say. Trina nudges me. "Look, PJ..." deep breath. "I'm really really sorry. I don't know what I was doing and I should've told you about Zac but then you just kissed me and"

"Wait, are you blaming this on me now?" he interrupts.

"What? No. I'm sorry okay? I made a mistake."

"Not good enough."

"So what do you want me to say!?" I practically yell at him, infuriated now. He's not making this easy on me at all. What did I say about my friends being stubborn idiots?

"Let me tell you what happened Ally. Yes, I kissed you, but then I pulled away and gave you a chance to say something, and what do you do? You kiss me back, without telling me that you're with my best friend, your best friend too. Did you forget that? When did you become the kind of person who plays with people's feelings? I thought you were better than that."

I look down, unable to stand the intensity of his eyes any longer. "Yeah. I thought I was too."

We're silent for a while – me looking down at my feet – and I can tell this is going nowhere. PJ isn't going to be forgiving me today.

"Okay, look." Trina says. I'd almost forgotten she was here. "Give Ally a break, okay? Yes, she was wrong, and she just admitted it. We all make mistakes. I mean, think of how many times you've kissed a girl while you've had a girlfriend."

"None." PJ says, and he's right.

"Oh." Trina says, clearly surprised, now trying to think of something else to say.

"Look PJ, we've been friends since preschool. Come on. You know me."

"I know you enough to see that you've changed." he replies curtly.

"Yeah. I have. In all the years that you've known me, no boy has ever wanted to kiss me. I've always been just another guy, so you know I've never had any experience in this area. This was my first mistake, and I've learned my lesson." I look down. "I mean, in what world would you have ever kissed me before I supposedly changed?"

PJ, about to respond, closes his mouth, clearly pondering what I've just said. He visibly shakes and sighs, running a hand through his too-long hair. "I just want to know..."

I look up at him again.

"Why'd you do it?"

I shake my head. "I honestly don't know. Kissing you felt good, so in the moment I wanted to do it again."

"Look, Ally, I forgive you. I wouldn't say that to most girls, but I know you and I don't want to lose you."

I almost tear up at this, my eyes going moist with relief. "Thank you PJ. I don't want to lose you either."

And for the first time ever, PJ comes in for a hug, and it feels good. "And for the record Al," he whispers in my ear. "I liked kissing you too."

I know where this is going and I pull away, now aware of the thing we really need to discuss. But before I can open my mouth PJ continues talking. "You're right. I never would've kissed you before you changed. Most girls in elementary school became obsessed with makeup and clothes, but you never did. You stayed with us and I guess I never saw you as one of them until that night at Zac's party when you looked like this. I liked you because you changed."

I shake my head. "PJ," I sigh, "If you didn't like me before, I don't think you really like me now. I'm the exact same person. I put on an act of girliness because that's what Lindsey told me to do, but now I realise that I can still be the Ally you know, just with better clothes. That doesn't change me into someone you like."

"But..."

"You only like me because of the clothes and the makeup, PJ." I sigh. "I'm someone you know very well, and it's all confusing you."

"She really is exactly the same." Trina chimes in. "She did act all placid and follow Lindsey's every word for a while there, but she's back now. And as a girl who's been watching the people you've dated for years, I think I know she's not your type."

"Watching who I've dated for years?" PJ turns to Trina, and she blushes a deep red, realising what she's said.

"Basically," I say, turning the attention away from her. "It was a deluded moment for the both of us, and I think we should stay friends as we've always been, because it's worked. Deal?"

PJ, although paying attention to what I'm saying, strangely keeps sending peeks at Trina, who is biting her lip and looks like she would rather be anywhere else right now.

"Deal?" I repeat.

PJ looks back at me, pondering, before looking back at Trina. "Deal," he says. "I'm not even sure how we would've worked as a couple anyway. What was I thinking? Losing a drinking game to my girlfriend? Having a girlfriend as irritating as you? No thank you."

"Yeah thanks PJ."

"Um, Ally..." Trina looks pleadingly at me. "Do you wanna go find Zac now? We still need to apologize to him." She clearly just wants to get away from PJ after what she's said.

"Yeah. I'll stop by his house now." I say, taking a deep breath. "But I think I should do it alone. You should stay here with PJ." Trina gives me a wide-eyed please-no look. Judging from the way PJ was peeking at her though, they could be having a very interesting conversation themselves. "He'll take you home, right?"

"Yeah sure." PJ says, grinning at me, clearly having recovered from his ludicrous thoughts about me quickly.

"So we're definitely cool, right?" I add, trying to rid myself of any left over insecurity.

"Yeah yeah." PJ rolls his eyes. "You and Zac have some talking to do now. Good luck. He's so effing stubborn."

"As if you're not." I punch him friendlily, glad that we seem to be back to normal. "You kids have fun." I say, winking at him and Trina as I walk towards my car.

I take a deep breath to prepare myself. I know Zac will forgive me eventually, but my best friend can be so infuriating and stubborn, so this could be a long night.

Hoping this chapter makes sense...

This book is almost over – two more chapters to go :)