Safe Word

Chapter 1- Normal Day

Im going to rewrite the whole book. So here is the new chapter 1. Above is Tyler

09-04-18

Fat.

Worthless.

Ugly.

Used.

"The words that run through my head every single day of my life." I explain to the man sitting across from me. He frowned at me and wrote down in my file.

"Well Tyler. Are you still taking your meds?" Mr. Dobair asked me and I nodded at him, not daring to look at him.

I heard him continue writing down... but when was he not doing that. He's always judging me. I don't think he's here to help me he's just taking our money and sending me off with a array of different medications. I don't even take them half the time anyway.

"Ok Tyler that's all for today. Please try to get some rest and take your medication. I'll see you next week" he finished standing up and I slowly got up from my seat, starring at the floor. He won't see me next week, I don't like this guy.

"Bye Mr. Dobair" I mumbled softly and I walked out the door, walking into the lobby full of people that all looked up at me when I walked out. I was starring at the ground instantly and avoided bumping into people.
I made my way outside and saw My brother Jacksons car waiting at the corner. I slowly walked over to the side door and knocked on the window lightly. I heard the sound of the door unlocked so it opened it, sliding into the passenger seat slowly.

"Hey bud" Jackson said happily. I sadly smile at him. He knows about everything, I mean he is my brother. He knows about my cutting, he knows about my depression, social anxiety and belemia. I'm the odd one out in the family. They all are major Buisness stars, or big generals in the armed forces, or even just fun to be around. Then there's me and my dad... but we don't talk about him.

" how did it go today?" Jackson asked pulling into the busy Los Angeles city traffic. I slowly looked over at him and he smiled at me. His face looking hopeful. His brown eyes glimmering in the sun.

"It was fine. I think he wants to make my medication stronger" I said and he frowned looking at the road. Oh great look at me making everyone sad. "But I want to stop seeing him I don't think he's the right fit for me" I finished.

"Doesn't that mean it's getting worse" Jackson asked quietly and I looked down at my lap, fumbling with my hands. He didn't care I didn't wanna see Mr. Dobair anymore. Jackson sounded disappointed in me. At that moment my mind fluffed with thoughts like "Why do I always do that I always ruin everything, I make everyone sad and everyone mad. I'm just a screw up."

"yeah" I said quietly.. "it's getting worse probably. But what's new" i sighed a little. I felt his eyes on me but I stayed quiet keeping my eyes down on my lap. We sat in silence the rest of the car ride. I felt us slowing down but I didn't dare look up. Not until Jackson spoke again.

"Ty we're here" Jackson said sadly looking at me and I looked up from my lap. I saw that we were home.

"Ok" I mumbled slowly getting out and walking slowly behind Jackson. We walked inside the house and immediately Luke, Jackson's husband came up and hugged him. The sight of that made me smile a little, I'm glad my brothers happy at least.

I live with Luke and Jackson. Luke is a big CEO and when me and Jackson both came out as gay, our dad kicked us both out. So when Luke met Jackson, he dragged us both here. The house is big and It has a guest house, which is where I stay. I'm surprised Jackson even let's me be alone. But I don't fight him.