Safe Word

Chapter 18- Chance Meeting

Above is a sad looking Justin

Tyler POV

10-11-2019

I sigh in relief after Adam and I walk out of the Piano lab. We had a big test today and for the past two weeks I have been practicing and practicing, with and without Adam. During my test I did mess up a few notes but that has to be expected. I'm hoping I still get a good grade on the exam, all my grades count towards that degree.

"My hands are still shaking" I tell Adam as we walk to his car and he chuckles, telling me he feels the same way. Once we reach his car, I climb into the passenger side and buckle in before Adam takes off back to Spencers place.

I've been staying with Spencer for a while now and honestly it feels totally normal, we have set up a routine practically. In the morning since he has to get up early he makes breakfast and wakes me up when it's done. Then once we eat he takes me on a workout with him. Much to my dismay though because I really do hate working out but it's in the contract I signed so I must do it. Then after the workout he sends me to shower, and when I'm done he jumps in and expects me to work on schoolwork.

We train for a bit after lunch, which is usually something quite healthy like a protein shake or some chicken and salad. Then after training we just let the day play out. I smile to myself thinking about our little schedule, but those happy thoughts go away fairly quickly.

Don't get use to it he will get tired of you soon

You're far too ugly for him!

How can you live with yourself while looking like that?

You're worthless

Pathetic!

My mind keeps going a mile a minute and I try to push it back down like I normally do, but it's getting harder and harder to do. Usually these mental attacks only come at night but in the last few days they've been starting earlier. And the more I push them down one day, the worst they come the next day.

"Adam?" I say looking over to him. He peaks at me briefly before looking back at the road, but puts one of his hands in my lap for me to grab.

"I know that look Ty, what's going on" he asks, squeezing my hand gently. I look down into my lab and think about how I want to word this. 'Hey Adam, nothing major just the ever present voices in my head that remind me that I'll never be good enough are back'. I can't just drop that on him because he will go straight to Spencer! Now that I have this kind of figure in my life It will be so much harder to keep things secret. maybe if I ask Adam he won't tell.

"You can't tell Spencer Adam.. Please I need to figure this out myself" I say in a pleading voice. I look over and I study his face closely, but find no sign as to what he is thinking. He is stone faced.

"Ty" he sighs. " I promise, but If this is as bad as it has been in the past he deserves to know" Adam says, and I sigh as well. Adam is completely right, Spencer does deserve to know. But I can't bring this burden on him. He's already taken work off from making videos to train me and focus on his other business ventures. I don't need him to worry about me, and I don't want to be his liability.

I'm capable of handling my own life and I need to prove that to him. "Adam, he is a busy man I need to just lay low and handle it myself" I say, feeling his hand squeeze tighter in mine.

"Ty.. the whole point of Spencer being your dominant is that you come to him with your troubles. Spencer is there to help you and I don't think silently hurting is going to help either of you in any way Ty.. Like.. I just want you to take of yourself because this man that you are going home to clearly loves you a lot Tyler" Adam says but I shake my head at him in disbelief.