Safe Word

Chapter 29- Doubt

This is going to be a short chapter, but it will be part of a double upload

Above is Spencer

11-10-2019

Spencer POV

I tried to sleep on the couch downstairs last night wrapped in Tyler's blanket. But my mind was running wild the whole night I could not sleep at all. Thoughts of Tyler being outside somewhere laying on the sidewalk or even laying on the beach filled my head and they terrified me. My baby is so fragile, I cannot imagine him being on his own.

I'm currently in the bath right now. I filled the tub with bubbles and got in and leaned my head against the wall, sighing in sadness. I talked with Jackson earlier today and he has had no luck in contacting Tyler or hearing anything from him. Jackson sounded so defeated over the phone with me and he sounded like he was so close to breaking down. I again described to him what happened and what I did and he apologized to me for snapping yesterday but I dismissed the non-needed apology. 

I called Tyler's phone a few more times and was defeated every time he did not pick up. I want my baby back home with me. I want him in my arms. I love him so much and I want to make whatever happened right for both of us.

I start to let the water out of the tub and I stand up to dry off. I get dressed again in some comfy pajamas and I make my way downstairs again. I fall right back into my spot on the couch and wrap myself in Tyler's blanket. I sigh deeply and close my eyes for a few minutes. I picture Tyler in my arms, cuddling in close and talking about his day or talking about music. I would be able to stroke his hair and just listen to him, and feel him up against me.  I am torn out of my fantasy when my phone starts to ring. I reach into my pocket and see Sebastian's contact show up on my screen.

"Hi Spencer it's Sebastian" I hear over the phone and I sit up from the couch, tangled in Tyler's blanket. Sebastian does not normally call me and I've spent most of the morning talking to our friends who have not heard a word from Tyler. All of the submissive's are worried sick about him, and the dominants are equally as worried for him.

"Sebastian... Hi" I say trying to wipe the exhaustion off of my face. "H-How are you?".

"Not great Spencer" He says rather pointedly over the phone, which catches me off guard. "How are you?" he asks me and I sigh. Do I dare tell him what has been going on the past 24 hours? I don't want to drag anyone else into the issue but he might have heard something.

"Well... I actually haven't been having the best day's recently" I say and grip the blanket in my hand. "Tyler had a sort of breakdown and he ran out on me... he won't answer his phone calls, his text messages, he turned his location off, and I cannot find him Sebastian... I'm worried sick about him". I bring the blanket up with me as I stand and look out the window over the balcony and see the overcast weather of the city.

"I'm well aware" Sebastian says shortly "He told me what happened". I go wide eyed and my heart races at the news. I sit back down on the couch, listening intently. "He called me yesterday and asked me to meet him in the park... when I saw him so upset he came home with me and he's been here since". I hit my thigh, mad at myself for not going to echo park that is literally across the street from me. So my baby is safe! 

"Oh Sebastian this is amazing news!!! You have no idea how crazy I've been going these past 24 hours just looking for my baby!! Can I come see him?" I ask, walking up the stairs to get out of my pajamas.

"Spencer that is not a good idea. Van and I have this under control and we just contacted Jackson and Luke. Tyler needs to see a doctor". I stop in the bedroom and frown, looking over at the bed and seeing the necklace on the pillow still.

"What? Why is he ok?" I panic, moving quicker around the room and getting clothes ready. If my baby is hurt in any way it is completely my fault and I need to make sure that he is okay! I cannot imagine how he got hurt in the little time before he met up with Sebastian. Was he running and he fell? What could he have done?

"He'll be fine" Sebastian says but that does not stop me in my worried state.

"What happened to him!" I demand over the phone, cutting him off.

"I-I- That's his story Spencer" Sebastian says but that does not answer my question. Tyler is hurting and I know him, I know that he does not trust many people. Tyler is a fragile soul and I need to be there for him, since I couldn't be there for him when it mattered yesterday.

"Call me when you get to the hospital! Please Sebastian let me know anything that happens" I plead to Sebastian as I put clothes into the bathroom and rummage around the cupboards trying to grab everything I need.

"Spencer.... I don't think you should come see him.... at least not yet" Sebastian says to me and I frown. 

"Why not?" I ask, sitting on Tyler's side of the bed.

"Spencer he is hurting... because of you" Sebastian says and my heart slows. "What is going on with him right now was triggered by what you did. He does not need to see you to get better, he needs to be around people who know what is best for him.... and right now that is not you" Sebastian says. Every word stung hit like a bullet in my chest. 

"I don't think you know what is best for him!" I argue balling the bed sheets in my fist. "You have no idea what he likes.... You don't know that his favorite fruit is pineapple but he hates it on pizza. You don't know that he hums when he is trying to concentrate, or that he loves scary movies but hates being scared! You don't know his favorite animal is a turtle or that he loves hiking! You don't know him like I know him Sebastian how can you know what is best for him?" I continue to argue, my heart rate rising. I was panting after that outburst. 

"Spencer" Sebastian says angrily. "If you cared so much you wouldn't have let this happen... and I am not the one taking care of him. Jason is going to check on him and then Luke and Jackson are going to be there for him because his dom can't be bothered to realize psychological punishment should never be used on someone like him!" Sebastian huffs over the phone. and hangs up on me. My shoulders sag in defeat and I release the bed sheets from my hand, letting the phone drop into my lap. 

"He's right" I whisper. I have a numb feeling coming over my body. Everything that Sebastian said to me is true. I am suppose to know Tyler the best. I am suppose to know what is best for him and what will help make him better. But now he is in pain because of me and my stupid  actions. 

I would love to say that I can fix this, but I am unsure of what I can do right now. I want to get my baby back but he has a barrier up. Jackson and Luke would never let me back in if it meant this could happen to Tyler again. 

I messed up. I messed up big time. Now I need to pay the consequences. 

I got up from the bed and went down the stairs again. I grabbed Tyler's blanket and wrapped it around me again and fell onto the couch. I felt the anger build up in me and I punched the cushion over and over again, letting out all the frustration that I have for myself. How could I be so stupid? Tyler has mental illnesses why did I give him a punishment that was psychological!

I really messed up.

LOVE YAAAAA

SEE YAAAAAA

BYEEEEEEEE