A Mothers Sacrifice #Wattys2017 COMPLETE

1 - HOMECOMING

"I don't want to leave! The baby, what will I do about the baby? I have to tell him!"

I woke, sweat covered my body. I didn't know for a minute where I was. My surroundings were familiar but..

I painfully recalled the voice in my dream. Pleading. Desperate.

I realised quickly that voice was mine.

Sitting up and gently wiping the tears from my eyes and trying to clear my head, I concluded I was home. Not where I liked to call home but my childhood home. Not much in the house had changed, the wallpaper was the same, the furniture remained in the same place. I however couldn't be any more  different.

 I hadn't been here in over nine years and I wish I hadn't come back but I have no choice.

Funny how all the decisions we make in life should lead us to where we want to be. Working towards a future we think we want. Doing the best we can to bumble our way through life until we can get there.

'There'...it was strange but where I thought 'there' would be has changed so much in the last nine years.

Hearing a whimper come from the other room I threw back the bed covers and ran. Holding my breath for just a second I'm scared of what I will find on the other side of the door.

The hall felt like a never ending corridor as I moved as fast as I could but didn't seem to be getting any closer. In my panic it felt like I was getting further away from the door I was trying to reach. Eventually, after what felt like a long time I was there at the door.

I slowly open it and peer round the door. On my old bed in my old room lays my son.

Rubbing his eyes, he had been woken too. I rush over to him and without a second thought I immediately grab his bag on the floor beside the bed. I fish out the ear thermometer and stroke his head as I take his temperature.

"Ssh sweetheart its OK" I say to try to help soothe him.

The beep comes less than three seconds later 36.5 - perfect. I relax a little. I can still hear my rapid heartbeat thudding in my ears.

"What happened Malachi? Bad dream?" I ask him softly. I try and fake a calm look, keeping my tone even and low.

He nods his head, still sleepy. He snuggles into my lap and I tell him to shift over.

I get in bed beside his little body and cuddle him as he falls back to sleep. I stroke his floppy hair from his face and kiss him lightly on the forehead. His heart beat is slow and steady. I listen to it intently, my heart rate starts to slow down in unison with his. 

This has been my life for sometime now. Not being a mother, that's been eight wonderful years. The best years of my life.

But checking his temperature, looking for swelling and other worrying symptoms, doctors appointments and generalised worry. The last six months of my life had so far been the worst, and I knew it would get much worse.

Feeling his warmth, his body moving gently as he breathed in and out again, I started to relax.

A tear rolled down my cheek at the thought and I pulled Malachi a little closer. I couldn't lose my boy, I had fought so hard to keep him.  Despite the odds against me, he was mine.

I've never had to share him.

Moving from this town when I was 11 weeks pregnant, I left my home and everyone I loved. No goodbyes, my parents made all the rules. At sixteen I felt I had little choice, the only battle I won was keeping the life growing inside of me.