A Mothers Sacrifice #Wattys2017 COMPLETE

4 - DADDY?

"Farah?" Sol spoke. He still couldn't look away from Malachi.

I could try and deny it, it would only postpone the inevitable. Malachi was the spitting image of his father.

"Malachi, why don't you go in the front room with Aunt Cam and show her your new game?" I prompted.

"Yes come on trouble, show me"

Malachi excited about showing off his new game went as he was told to the front room. Sol's eyes followed him until he was out of sight then focused his stare on me.

Cam gave me an apologetic look but I didn't blame her. It was just a matter of time. Although I would've like to tell him in a little bit of a gentler way.

Cam closed the kitchen door behind her and I signaled that Sol should take a seat. He did. I turned off the pans of water that I had out on to boil and took a seat myself.

I gave him a second before I tried to speak.

"Daddy?" Sol asked finally.

I nodded.

"I'm so sorry"

I really didn't know how to start to explain. I wanted him to understand, to forgive me so badly.

"So he's eight?"

I nodded again.

And he's called Malachi? Great name"

"Thanks, I like it"
"He looks like me, right?" Sol asked.

"He's your double" I agreed.

He sat twisting his hands.

"This is why you left"

"As soon as I found out I told my mother. I was sixteen and scared. They begged me to have a termination, but I refused"

Sol looked at me. He understood why I couldn't terminate the pregnancy I knew he wouldn't of wanted that.

He let me talk, I was grateful.

"They gave me no choice. They would only support me if I left with them and that I didn't tell you"

I could see anger in his face now. I was sure it wasn't directed at me but at my parents. This was a feeling I understood well, I felt that way so deeply for a long time.

"I could've supported you. You could've stayed...with me"

"I wanted too trust me, I considered it" I tried to explain.

"My father told me that I would out you much pressure on you, that you'd come to hate me"

He was now hurt.

"I could never of hated you Farah, I loved you"

My heart constricted. Hearing him tell me that he loved me was something I had longed to hear again for over nine years.

"I loved you too. But I already loved our baby also. I thought maybe some of what my father said was true"

Sol was shaking his head.

"I couldn't let you hate me. You were just starting work, you were doing so well. I couldn't ruin your life. For me there was no doubt but I couldn't make that decision for you"

He looked up at me, pain filled his eyes. I couldn't believe I was doing this. There was worse to come.

"But don't you see? You made a decision for me anyway!"

He was hurt. This was understandable, he was more than entitled to hate me now.

"I did what I thought was right, I'm sorry I really am. If you hate me I understand it's ok" I explained to him.