A Mothers Sacrifice #Wattys2017 COMPLETE

13 -AFTERMATH

Falling asleep on the sofa (after I managed to drag myself from the door) was not the best idea.

Waking with a crooked neck and in desperate need of a shower I decided to sneak upstairs before Malachi awoke.

I opened his door slightly, smiling as I saw his small body sleeping soundly.

The shower felt incredible, especially on my neck. Working the kinks as the water beat down was a godsend.

I caught a glimpse of my mascara streaked eyes in the mirror on the wall, placing a flannel of hot water on my face also felt great.

Last night was so hard. Rejecting the man I want more than anything was horrible.

Saying no when all I wanted to do was the opposite was difficult to say the least.

I wasn't that person, I wasn't a cheat and I couldn't make Sol one either. It was already a horrible betrayal, we couldn't let it happen again. We had to keep ourselves in check.

Finishing off in the shower I dressed quickly and came from my room just in time to see a sleepy Malachi sitting up in bed.

'Morning sunshine!' I said as cheerfully as I could manage.

'Morning mum' he said yawning.

'Breakfast?'

'Can we make pancakes again?' he asked

I laughed, the child was pancake mad. Knowing he had his treatment again later I was amenable to giving him anything to eat he wanted as I knew it would decrease his appetite later.

'OK Pancake King' I joked.

'But get dressed first OK we have hospital in just over an hour' I warned him.

He jumped out of bed and did as he was told. Boy sure did love pancakes.

This hospital visit felt a bit more positive than usual. Malachi was more upbeat and couldn't stop talking about his father to the nurses who listened enthusiastically.

'His dad must be a real superhero hey? Lucky mummy' a young nurse called Sadie joked.

No not lucky mummy I thought sadly. Lucky Angela.

I couldn't even think of her without a huge twang of guilt in my gut. It was clear from Sol's actions that he had feelings for me whether they were pure lust or something else.

I really never intended to split his marriage up. Would I rather he wasn't married? That was a no brainer but he was - Simple!

I don't know how he could face her when she came home from her trip.

I wasn't sure how I was even going to face Sol later on, I was glad I made the suggestion he spend some time alone with Malachi. It was an idea I was going to have to come to terms with sooner or later - why not start now.

After his dialysis, and despite his upbeat mood he was tired and sore. Deciding on spending time at home with a light lunch, a blanket and a mummy cuddle - we watched a Disney film as he fell asleep. I watched him sleep. He was so perfect. Times like these anyone could take my son on face value and think there was nothing wrong. His beautiful milky skin, floppy hair just the same as Sol's. The dream that one day in the near future after receiving a healthy kidney he could be a normal child was almost too great to be true.

Sol was now going to be part of our lives again. The realisation hit me like a truck, I had to pull myself together.

I was going to find it unbelievably hard. He was even more attractive nine years later.