Suffocate In Spirit - Shadows of the Night 4

Chapter 30

Hi!

Okay, so I just came back home, it's late late late, and I can barely keep my eyes open. But I simply had to put up the new chapter! Please also listen to the song I picked for this one, I hope you like it :-)

Lara

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Chapter 30

The sea came alive in the sunset, gleaming diamonds dancing on a blanket of the deepest aquamarine I had ever seen. Every motion, every wave, came with a shadow, a small possibility of more memories. Reminders. Images. As if the color alone was enough to draw me right back to the Blue Room, stick my mind onto a vision I thought I could shake with ease. Remind me of a set of eyes I would have liked to forget. It was disturbing on multiple levels – too many to ponder on.

The water lapped against my calves, tore goose bumps out of my skin, and made me shiver. The wind was strong, chafing against my eardrums like a constant undercurrent of sound. Not the calming kind. But maybe that was just because of the state I was in.

We were doing this training session alone and safely away from the other villagers, but I was still nervous.

"Water was the first element you used, wasn't it?" Giuliana said.

I nodded slowly, forcing my eyes to stay on the water.

"You used it before, Isabella. It's all there inside of you. You just have to find the one thing, the one emotion, that triggers the magic and learn to control it," Giuliana said from behind me.

I remembered the moment I first used the element – the moment I crashed into that pond in Pennsylvania. I knew what came after, and what I did.

I killed someone. A rogue witch named Michael.

I prolonged that moment of memory. Forced myself to remember the look on the rogue witch's face as I killed him.

Panic slammed into me, an iron-fist of emotion that shattered in my core. Sped-up heart rate and the thought that nothing mattered but survival. I remembered that dark place I'd caught a glimpse of. That place deep down inside of me. Wished I'd never seen it.

I pulled my eyes out of the water, turning to face Giuliana. "I can't."

Would she understand if I explained? Would my godmother be able to shed some light on what exactly I had been seeing all those times? Was this what everyone else was seeing, or was it only part of my magic? And if yes, what did that make me?

This was the reason why I couldn't do it. Not in the forest where a group of people I didn't really know was watching, not here alone with Giuliana. The instinct to hide was engrained into my system. Always had been there. If there was a problem, I went out on my own and solved it or didn't talk about it at all. The way of the world, or at least my world.

For the first time in a long while the need for honesty – complete, real, down-to-earth sincerity – was there. For the first time in a long while, I contemplated what it would feel like. To trust. Not to care if it would leave me raw and naked. Could I trust Giuliana?

"Anna, I understand if you-"

"No, you don't understand," I said hotly.

Why did everybody always claim they understood? How could they? They were not me. They had no idea who and what I was. How could they possibly understand?

"I was kidnapped, tortured, and almost died before coming here," I said. "This was my last resort. I didn't want this, Giuliana. I didn't come here to destroy whatever kind of life you've built for yourselves. This simply was the one place I thought I could go to that would be safe. Instead I'm in the middle of nowhere, and all of a sudden the Lumenis demands I learn how to control magic – elements I don't even want to use – before I get so much as a warm handshake! Everyone is making demands, and no one tells me anything. So please tell me what exactly is going on." I was breathing hard. My voiced sounded tired, angry, and maybe a little bitter.