Not a princess I wanna be a prince. (The story of a transgendered person)

Anger and dysphoria

I hate my father so much. I know that's probably horrible to say but I really do. I'm already dealing with extreme dysphoria because of my lovely monthly gift from Mother Nature where all I want to do is scream and cry plus deal with excruciating pain but I also have to deal with my asshole of a father screaming at me over stupid shit. I'm fucking eighteen years old and he dictates my life. I have to go to bed at 10 o'clock sharp, the internet has to be turned off every night, and he even tells me when to take a fucking shower. -_-  then what really pissed me off is here I am bleeding really heavily to the point where I can barely move and I'm in the bathroom making sure I won't ruin my bed when I lay down and the asshole is screaming at me to go to bed. When I get out of the bathroom he snarls at me "about fucking time I've been screaming at you for fifteen minutes. I wanna get in the bed because I've been up since four o'clock this morning. Next time I wake up at four o'clock in the morning I'm getting you up with me." Literally all I wanted to do was scream at him "I'm on my fucking period leave me alone!" And he also doesn't understand that I have insomnia so I am up at fucking four in the morning because I can't sleep. He's such a self centered asshole and I cannot wait until I get to move out. He adds to my dysphoria so much along with everyone else in my family. I'm sick and tired of pompous judgmental assholes who need to butt out of my life and get their own. Yes I dress and look like a boy leave me alone, yes I do like boy things get over it, yes I'm gonna fucking snap at you if you get in my face about things and especially if I'm in pain and having a hard day. People just need to leave me the hell alone because I swear I'm just gonna snap and go off on everybody. I just need a relaxing week filled with reading fanfiction and eating lots of chocolate. My dad just needs to leave or I'm just going to snap and kill myself. Plus he complains saying I don't love him (which I don't) but the man hasn't even been there for me at all for eighteen years. While my mom was busy working and raising me all he did was go out drinking every night with his friends. I didn't even really know the man as my dad it's just what my mom referred to him as. So it's like dude how am I supposed to love you and consider you as a parent when you weren't even there for me. How can you think of someone as a parent when you don't even know them and didn't have them in your life at all. It's your fault if you choose beer over your kid. And it aggravates me because my mom is constantly on my case saying "you need to spend time with your dad what if he gets in an accident or something? You need to tell your dad you love him because it hurts his feelings when you don't say it." Honestly I don't care if it hurts his feelings or not because I don't love him and I'm not going to spend time with him because he sure as hell didn't wanna spend time with me for eighteen years of my life so why start now? I hate and resent the man so much and he doesn't deserve the title dad. If anything the only male role model in my life is my grandfather. I know if I ever have a family I'm gonna be a hell of a lot better father than my dad ever was. Anyways sorry for this anger filled rant but I'm really having an extremely rough week.