Eden's Secret

Chapter 7

It was barely after seven o'clock the next morning when Jordan heard a knock at the front door. She was still in her pajamas, hadn't brushed her teeth, and was changing the diaper of a cranky baby. Perfect. When Will had said he'd be here "in the morning" she assumed he meant late enough to give a person time to get dressed. He obviously had no idea that for the past week, Jordan hadn't gotten more than four hours of sleep in one night. And those four hours didn't come consecutively. The early mornings Jordan used to enjoy weren't the same anymore, they had become "catch up on lost sleep" time. She left a fussy Eden in the middle of her bed, surrounded by pillows so that she could answer the door. It wasn't something she could deal with right now. Several rough nights in a row had left Jordan grumpy and tired. Adding the surprise of Will finding out about Eden way before she was ready to tell him in her own way, made her anxious on top of it all. She was almost at a breaking point.

She opened the door and found Will holding two cups of coffee, a grocery bag, and a large leather duffel bag. He looked so handsome and Jordan couldn't help but feel that familiar pang of love lost. She hoped that he had an open mind and she hoped they could finally sit down and have the conversation that was nine months overdue.

"I brought breakfast," he said, almost stoically, as he walked towards the kitchen. He laid everything out on the kitchen table. Coffee, danishes, a box of cereal, milk, and some fruit. "Sit," he said. Jordan obeyed and sat at the table and took a sip of coffee as she peeled a banana. Eden's fussiness had turned into a full blown cry by this point so he walked to the bedroom to pick her up. He returned a few minutes later, bouncing a blanket-wrapped baby in his arms. Jordan watched as he tried to put a pacifier in her mouth while still trying to keep a good bounce going. "Is she hungry?" he asked Jordan.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know." Jordan teared up as she watched him. Her emotions were all over the place. "She's probably just tired. Like me. I fed her at six this morning and she has been awake since after four."

"Can you show me where her stuff is to make a bottle? And show me how to do it?" He could tell that Jordan was tired and frustrated.

Jordan walked to the kitchen cabinet that had now been devoted to all things baby. She showed him the bottles, the formula, the distilled water and made a bottle while explaining the process. She told him to keep a burp cloth close at hand and how often the baby needed to be burped. He listened intently, all while trying to keep Eden pacified. He kept switching her positions and he already looked like a natural at this new position he'd been thrown into.

"Okay. I think I got it. You go and eat some breakfast then go lay down. You need some sleep. I can figure this out. I'll see if I can get her to sleep some. I'll change her, or at least attempt to, and if all else fails, I'll try the bottle. You are both worn out and you both need sleep."

Jordan was too tired to argue, so she ate the banana she had peeled and finished her cup of coffee before she walked towards the bedroom. She watched Will and Eden on the recliner and Eden looked to be settling into a comfortable position on Will's chest as he patted her gently on the back. Jordan was too tired to take in the sweet picture, so she continued on to her bed and laid down. She tried to listen to see if she could tell what was going on in the living room, but she didn't hear anything concerning so she let sleep take over.

A few hours later, she woke up to the sounds of Eden crying in the nursery, so Jordan made her way down the hallway. She could hear some coughing sounds coming from Will and peeked around the doorway to find Wil changing an apparently very stinky diaper. She tried to stifle a giggle while she watched.

"Hey, if you think this is so funny, why don't you come and help?" he said to her. He looked slightly panicked, but still in somewhat control of the situation. She walked into the room to find a dirty diaper, laying open on the floor. A huge pile of used wipes laid on the changing table and Eden was covered in poo up her back. Will was trying to remove her onesie and Eden was finding the whole thing quite to her unliking. Jordan helped remove the onesie, showing Will how to hold one arm at a time and push them through the sleeves. She handed him some more wipes.

"Here, wipe down her back and I will get a bath ready for her." Will took the wipe she had handed him and had another minor gagging fit as he tried to get the baby clean. It was quite a funny scene as the two finally got the baby to the bath. The warm water immediately soothed her and it was quiet once again in the house. Jordan showed Will how to properly bathe the baby and then how to rub her down with lotion and put a clean diaper on. Eden now had a fresh bath, a fresh diaper, and clean clothes and all was right in her little world.

Jordan took a few minutes to freshen up while Will fed Eden and laid her down for an afternoon nap. As she came into the living room with her freshly washed hair, feeling refreshed after the good morning nap she'd been allowed and a hot shower, she readied herself for the elephant in the room.

"So, are we going tot talk about this at some point?" she asked.

"Jordan," Will got right to the point, "I don't understand why you did this. Why would you deprive me of this? You have been going about this all alone, with virtually no help. It didn't have to be this way."

"I know. And I know I was wrong. Here's the thing about the whole situation." She paused trying to find the right words. "It's just, I am afraid."

"What are you afraid of?"

"There are so many things I am afraid of. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid I'll be a terrible mother. I'm afraid that now I've become a terrible person for doing this to you. Will, I have lost so many people in my life in situations that were beyond my control. I thought this was the one thing I could control. I got this idea in my head that when you found out I was pregnant, you would leave. And rather than leaving your reaction out of my hands, I took control and left you before you even had the option. It was wrong. I know. But I can't continue to risk losing something I love so much. It has happened too many times. My parents, my grandparents, anyone close to me leaves. And I'm done with leaving."

"Listen, I can't control what has happened to you in the past. And I can't tell you what the future will bring. But I can tell you, that right now, I want you. Dammit, I'm madder than hell at you, but I want you. I've always wanted you. I want you to trust me on this. I've never felt like this about anyone. I've had my share of people throwing themselves at me. I've had my share of blind dates. And they were all fun, but when I met you it was like a light switch flipped. You were different. You meant something to me. And I really felt like we could take this all the way." Will reached over and softly stroked her hair. "Please don't shut me out. We can do this. We can be a great couple. We can be great parents together. I won't leave you. Ever."

"I'm so sorry, Will. Can you please forgive me? I want to start new. I want what we had before. I know I made a mess of things, but I think we can fix it. Can't we?" she fell into his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

"I absolutely think we can fix it. Let's start today," he breathed in the smell of her freshly washed hair. "In fact, I already have a plan in mind. You want to hear it?"