Being Clean

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I don't know what being clean does for me anymore. It's been too long. I want the razor, I miss the scars. Everyday I see them fade and it's only been 3 months. The worst part is my friends tell me to stay strong then I find out they broke or relapsed and they cut. Or I find out I'm going to lose a friend or two to the bad people. The thoughts that make them give in. I've been good for my campaign and my friends. And I hate being selfish and I never do anything for myself. I will literally stop everything to help you. But I think I'm going to do something for me. Starting with the razor I found last night and broke down when I found it . I just cried my eyes out as soon as I found them with no one there to hold me. This is the one thing I need. Relapse is okay right? I...I'm sorry. I can't believe what I'm saying either but I can't help it. I love you guys. Stay stronger than me please. I'm here for you guys as long as I stay.

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