Writer's Life

Why me?

Why am I the one that has to feel this way?
Why am I the one to have had to grow up the way I did?
Why am I the one that wants to self harm so much?
Why am I the one who smiles at the thought of my suicide?
Why am I the one who hurts so bad but fake smiles so much?
Why do I not deserve a real smile?
Why do I deserve hurt and disappointment?
Why I deserve the feeling of dying?
Why do I take so much shit from everyone but I just laugh it off instead?
Why do I still exist?
Why do I have the need to starve myself?
Why can't I ever hold down food?
Why can't I stay happy for more than a little bit?
Why does my mood change so quick?
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Why am I so physically slow?
Why am I the one who got to have the birth defect?
Why do I have to have special treatment?
Why am I treated like a special case?
Why can't I ever get money?
Why my dad try more?
Why do my parents yell so much?
Why do my brothers hurt me so much?
Why does my family physically and mentally abuse me?
Why is everything so okay when it happens?
Why doesn't anybody care?
Why doesn't anybody stop me?
Why can't anybody see through my lies?
Why does nobody take the time to look into my eyes?
Why does nobody hug me and say they are always there for me?
Why can't I look in the mirror without crying?
Why can't I look at food without feeling sick?
Why can't I see a razor, pill, or rope without a sudden thought how to end my life?
Why doesn't anybody tell me they know my feeling and help me through it?
Why is everyone acting like they are better off without me?
Why doesn't anybody hold my hand and tell me they love me?
Why am I always alone?
Why doesn't anybody kiss my scars and tell me everything will be okay?
Why do I still exist?
Why am I even here?
Why do I exist?
Why hasn't anybody killed me yet?
Why doesn't anybody take everything away from me?
These are all the questions that run through my mind constantly. Plus other questions that pop up depending on the situation. My mind is a terrible place to be. I want a new one but I can't change it. I don't know how much longer I will be here. I'm scared of my own mind... Someone help please...