Baby, look what you've done to me || L.S AU

XVIII.

Mood - Michael Bublé - All I Want For Christmas

"What about this one?" Louis stuffs his hands deep into his pockets scuffing as Perrie holds up a hideous Christmas jumper in her hands. Zayn has the stupidest smile on his face but Louis just rolls his eyes as Perrie returns a smile to him and tucks the jumper under the pile of other several pieces of clothing.

This wasn't typical behaviour from Louis. He loved Christmas. He looked forward to it every year, the smell of chestnut roasting and glazed ham, the beautiful trees adorned with colorful lights, the sweet sweet sounds of Christmas carols and happy children everywhere. Beside the holiday this time of year was special to Louis also because it was his birthday. Christmas baby. Well Christmas Eve to be exact. But everything was pointless and colorless since Harry.

He hated to admit it but every single day since their nasty split which was approximately over six months now, still had him wheeling from Harry's lingering kisses, his sweet scent of fresh linen against his body. Every thing had fallen apart since then and everytime he tried to take a step forward he was brutally reminded of his sweet curly haired lover.

The first few months was hard on him if it wasn't for Zayn he would have restorted back to his old ways, he wanted to die so bad, the itching burning feeling in his hand to hurt himself was so powerful, Zayn had to hide all blades from him, he felt trapped for a while because Zayn was always there with him never letting him out of his sight. All he kept thinking was how he was never good enough for Harry.

He knew he wasn't good enough but Harry made him feel different anyway. The small gestures of calling him beautiful or staring at him like he was the only man in the world, Harry made him feel worthy even for a short time even if everything he ever said was a lie, he believed him. Perrie hands Zayn the pile of clothes and goes over to the rack to select a sparkly short red dress. She smiles so big and walks over to the changing area where Zayn and Louis both sat on the small couch right outside her booth.

Louis just looks down picking hard at his fingertips something Zayn had picked up with him ever since he was a child. He would do it when he had the urges to cut himself and Zayn, walking in on him many times, finding his brother bloody was etched into his mind. Zayn's hand comes on top his to stop him from doing the action. Louis stops breathing but doesn't look up.

"We talked about this Lou" Zayn's voice is so soft and smooth it made Louis bite on his lip as he feels the familiar scratch to the back of his throat.
"I just miss him so much" Louis bends his head lower meeting his and Zayn's hands cradling it against his chest.

"I know" Zayn twists his body to hold Louis in his arms, Louis buries his face against his shoulder desperately trying to keep himself from crying. Zayn was so comforting and Louis thanked God everyday that he had someone like Zayn in his life, he wasn't only his brother, Zayn was his best friend, Zayn was his saviour, Zayn was his guardian angel. Zayn soothingly rubs his back and Louis slowly releases the breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"Cheer up, tonight will be fun. I'll introduce you to a nice lad and you'll be fine" Zayn's words hold a hallow feeling knowing that it meant nothing to Louis but stopping his life and dwelling on the fact that Harry made up his mind, what he wanted was different from what Louis wanted and hoping that one day he'd come to his senses was useless and Zayn knew Louis had to move on. He tired so many times to get Louis out of this, Louis also tried but he just couldn't bring himself to think about someone else beside Harry next to him, someone else touching his body, kissing his lips, fisting his hair. He was bonded to Harry, everything he was belonged to him.

...

"Sir Mr. Chen would like to see you"
"In a minute Alfred" Harry's head swimming in the alcohol, his vision blurry. It's only ten in the morning but it was the only thing he knew that would take the pain away, it was the only thing that made him forget.