What A Beautiful Thing Hope Is

Chapter 12 - Octavian's P.O.V.

I felt sick to my stomach when I awoke. At least, I awoke much sooner this time. The next day instead of weeks later. My lungs felt tight and it took a few seconds for my vision to focus in on Rachel.

Oh, Rachel... Immediately tears sprung to my eyes. I'd meant to hide this from her, but I had just made it worse, made all of this WORSE. Everything is my fault... My lungs tightened, but I took a few breaths. I would not let IT happen again. She was crying and it was heart breaking.

"Rachel..." I whispered to her, trying to comfort her.

"Octavian... What happened? What's wrong? You had a panic attack..."

"I know" I whispered. Truth time "It wasn't my first."

"wHAT?!" she exploded.

"I hadn't had one since before I died, I promise, but... when I was younger, I used to have them from time to time" I admitted. She took a deep breath.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, looking sad and upset.

"I don't know. I didn't want to scare you"

"Yesterday scared me! Tell me what scared you" she stroked my cheek. I smiled sadly.

"Dying scares me. It never scared me before but then, the thought of life without you... I just can't, okay? It freaks me out. I didn't want to worry you, but I couldn't help it" Tears spring to my eyes. She wipes them away.

"Don't worry, darling. I'll never lose you. We'll never lose each other" I smiled and laughed.

"Darling, we're not immortal"

"You don't need to think about that"

"I almost died!"

"I know that! I know that... Please... Just trust me"

"Okay, I trust you. What do we do now?"

"You get better. And then, therapy"

"Therapy?"

"You were just in a traumatic accident. The doctor highly recommends it" I pouted.

"I don't want to be in therapy"

"I'll be there too, don't worry"

~oOo~

Therapy. A beige room with a white couch and a red swivel chair behind and oak desk. I didn't really feel like being here. I didn't really feel like doing anything. I hadn't been able to eat for like three days. Rachel said she was worried about me and I understood that, but I just didn't feel like me.

I started sweating as the psychiatrist sat down in her red swivel chair.

"Miss Dare. Mr. Alexander. I'm here to help you two. Mr. Alexander? You don't have to be afraid of me" I guess I was shivering. Rachel squeezed my hand.

"Please, call me Octavian" I mumbled.

"Alright. It's really nice to meet you, Octavian. Do you need a drink or something? You seem uncomfortable"

"No I'm fine" I mumbled.

"You don't have to be scared of me or of this. We're only here to help you. That's what I want to do"

"O-okay"

"Tell me about your panic attack" I described it. My lungs tightening and my heart beat quickening. I described past panic attacks and what had triggered those. I explained as best as I could why I had freaked out.

Then she started talking to Rachel. And it was her turn to be a little nervous.