Opposites Attract?

matt smith

PICTURE THIS, Katy Perry's Last Friday Night music video and someone had thrown another party within a party. My head wasn't pounding, which is strange since I only remembered snippets of last night and trust me, those snippets aren't that great. All I could remember was lots of dancing, lots of people and lots of oh, alcohol.

I tried to push myself up from my bed but there was a strange heavy weight on my stomach preventing me from getting up. My sleepy eyes were still crusted with sleep, everything was a blurry mess as I looked around. I turned to my left, which was where the weight was leaning towards to and screamed.

"OH MY GOD CONNOR DID WE DO THE FRICKLE FRACK?!" I screamed, loud enough to wake him up but he sleeps like a log. All he did was give me a loud snore and wrapped his arm around my stomach, as if he was hugging a bolster.

Weird thoughts began running through my mind, what could've happened last night? Anything could've happened, considering I knocked out pretty early. Looking down at myself, I seemed to be dressed modestly with a t-shirt over me but as I felt myself, not in a sexual way, I realised I still had my clothes on and I am still 100% pure olive oil. You know what I mean.

Slowly unwrapping his arms from my stomach, I rolled out of bed and landed quite painfully on my butt on the ground. I still remembered how someone tried to rape me last night, and despite not being able to fend him off and having Connor to save me, I still got a punch in. I hope his nose is broken. The sun almost blinded me as I ripped the curtains open.

My eyes were greeted by a lush scenery. Tall coniferous trees, a stunning bluey-green lake across the cabin and a beautiful blue sky with birds flying about. Now we are definitely not in Bluewood, hopefully still somewhere in San Diego, California. I decided not to wake Connor up until I was relatively awake because God knows what spills out of my mouth when I am freshly awoken.

I splashed my face with some cold water from the bathroom and convieniently, there are clean towels, so I decided to take a shower, because why not? The moment the warm water hit my body, it felt like the gods were showering me in pure water because it felt good. I washed off all the smudged up makeup on my face, washed my hair back to it's sad droopy curls and cleaned up from everything last night.

Wrapping a towel around my body, I looked at my old clothes and I slapped my forehead. Why didn't I think to pack some fresh clothes when I was completely sober for this party. I spent the next fifteen minutes washing my undergarments because no way in hell are you making me wear day old underwear.

There's a hairdryer too! How lovely! Dripping wet on the toilet seat, my hair bundled up into it's hair turban and my body covered in nothing but a white towel, I switched on the hair dryer to dry my underwear. Minutes passed and it became dry so I wore them again. See? Clean underwear.

My face scrunched at the party dress. I picked it up gingerly in between my fingers and sniffed it. And it was a mixture of alcohol and cologne. Basically I smelt like a drunk guy which is when I know, that I had way too much and I will kill Maxine when I see her. I didn't want to wear the dress again so, I have no choice but to ask Connor for spare clothes, because his mom must definitely have left some clothes here and she wouldn't mind.

I kicked him on the bed and he still haven't stirred. And what do I do with people who don't wake up? I grabbed my phone from a secret compartment in the dress (life hack) and swiped through my apps until I found one where there were buttons of odd sounds. I found my favourite button and held it close to Connor's ear.

Ladies and gentleman, I have successfully woke the bad boy up with the sound of a screaming goat. Ding, achievement unlocked.

"WHAT THE-" and a flurry of swear words tumbling out of Connor's mouth as he spazzed about on the bed before toppling to the ground. I dropped to the ground laughing at his reaction and wishing that I had recorded it because it was hilarious. "Darling..."