Forbidden

You're A Liar

My normally calm and pleasant demeanor slowly changed and my face contorted in an all consuming anger my nostrils flaring, my eyes flashing and closing into slits, my mouth quivering and drooling, slurring words that were unintelligible came spewing into space like a volcano releasing its pent up emotions into the darkness.

My hands closed into fists and I crouched forward, daring him to repeat once more the words that had torn my heart into fragments, which had dashed all my expectations of 'happy ever after'. I didn't wait!

Then I let go with a right uppercut to the head that sent him flying from one side of the room to the other at what seemed like the speed of light. His body made contact with the opposite wall and he slid to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

I woke with a mini heart-attack breathing fiercely in the thick recycled air just to realize that l'm in my bedroom. I woke up drenched to the skin in my own sweat. I tried to grope for my glasses in an attempt to make out what was going on, but the morning light shone feebly through the windows and I couldn't seem to find them.

I thought to myself, "That was... terrifying..." as I gasped heavily, "but it wasn't real... was it?".

Shivers went though my body like a cold wind as I grab the blankets I pushed off of my bed and I took a sigh of relief that the nightmare wasn't real. I was so angry, it felt like the anger was built up in me. It felt scary almost. Not hurting Edward, scary of my angry I am. I need to take a yoga class,to try and relax myself.

He left me; that one thought circled continually through my brain as I tried to process the fact that he was gone. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me, but I couldn't. My whole body was completely numb. It was like it only had one setting and I was going around on autopilot; my body still worked but I wasn't really there. I was lost in my sea of turbulent thoughts, thoughts on how I was alone, that he didn't love me that he left me.

He...he, he has hurt me so badly. NO he hasn't hurt me; he's BROKEN me, yeah that's a better word to describe what he has done to me. And as much as I want to hate him, I can't find it in myself to actually hate him. As much as he has broken me, I still truly and deeply love him.

No matter how hard I try to forget him and move on, my heart won't let me; it still clings onto a hope that he will return to me and break through the darkness that surrounds me with his smile. Oh God how I miss that smile, it could make the world around me disappear and make my heart beat just a little bit faster than it usually did around him.

I yearned to kiss those , perfect lips of his. How I wanted him to wrap me up into his strong embrace and pull tighter against his stone hard chest. I want to fall asleep in his arms. I got up shaking for some reason, I went to the bathroom sink. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The darkness inside me crept over my face like some disease.

Who am I? That is a question that I ask myself frequently these days. Well, it's a rhetorical question; I know who I am. The real question is, who have I become? What happened to the Bella Swan who had guys breaking their necks to get a look at her when she walked by? Where is she? Is that girl still inside me?

I yawned and thought to myself, "Gosh, what a horrible dream that was. I am so perturbed, you know. Yes I am."

I had a tutoring session with Demetri. He's going to help me study for my calculus exam, and biology. I just hope I'll focus on calculus and not my lovely ex boyfriend of a professor. I shook my head and quickly got dressed.

I met him in the library of the university. He works there, helping the librarian place books and answer phone calls.

The air was warm-but then it always was in the old building, even in the dead of winter. The rooms on the third floor had been purposeless until the library decided to make them study corrals. Why was anybody's guess-the trouble one had to go through to get one was just about enough to keep anyone from bothering. They were incredibly private though.