Damaged Hearts (Norman Reedus)

(Burn baby... burn)

Lenoir North Carolina

(9/22/2015)

Sitting on my tan velvet couch looking and debating on reading my leather bound journal that I've had since I was 12 years old, not that I've forgotten anything since my life was a roller coaster since the day I was born. I was just bored since my 2 year old son was asleep and there was nothing worth watching on TV.

"Oh what the hell, why not? It's not like my demons are going to come out of the 11 going on 12 year old journal." I said looking at Mason who was sound sleep on me. I hated the fact I was going to move him, but he was killing my side. Plus he had to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed.

"Come on Bubby." I said sweetly while wrapping my arms around his tired body as my mom came out of her computer room.

"You putting him to bed boo?" Mom asked walking up to me.

"Yeah, I believe tonight is going to be along night." I said as she kissed his forehead, and ran her fingers thru his shoulder length curly brown hair.

"Are you alright?" Mom asked looking at me as if she was trying to study my face.

"I'm alright Momma, just got a lot on my mind right now that's all." I said as Mason opened his deep dark brown eyes to look at me.

My heart ached while he looked into my eyes. It ached because I wanted to give him a better life when all the odds where against him. I wanted to give him a better life a better world where everything was peaceful with no hurt, pain or hatred. But I knew this world was very opposite of what I wanted for him.

At that moment I realized I was in deep thought and could sense both my mom and step dad's eyes on me. I closed my eyes and fought off my tears before turning around to look at both of them.

"Well, May-May tell paw-paw and nanna night-night." I said trying to smile.

"Night-night Bubby, see you's tomorrow." Mom said making Mason smile a sleepy grin.

"Night boy." Dad said as Mason flapped his arms and reached out for him, which didn't help my emotions at all.

I watched as my Dad took him into his arms and held him to his chest. I couldn't help but to smile because Mason had a great wise man in his life. I knew he didn't need another one, because what would be the reason for a heartbreak.

"Let's go boy." Dad said as he carried Mason to our bedroom then laid him in his bed as I turned on the oil lamp as well as his TV so he could watch spongeBob so he could go back to sleep.

Dad looked at me as I sat on my hand-me-down California King sized bed for a moment before turning around to head down the hall back to his computer in his and my mom's bedroom. Once Dad was gone I kissed Mason's Chubby cheeks and pushed his hair out of his eyes as he yawned and rubbed his sleepy eyes.

"I love you baby, go night-night." I said standing up and handed him his spongeBob body pillow before turning off the bedroom light. I stood there for a few minutes and watched as he cuddled up to his SpongeBob and closed his heavy droopy eyes.

Once he was asleep I turned and headed towards the living room. I stopped at the hall door to adjust myself, wiping the exposed tears off my face then took a deep breath before opening the hall door closing it silently behind me.

Mom and Dad was nowhere to be found when I entered into the living room. Guessing mom was back in her computer room writing her version of (The Hobbit) since she fantasized over Richard Armitage (Thorin Oakenshield), and Dad was in his room listening to music on youtube.

"Thank God, no questions." I said to myself as I grabbed my journal then headed to the fridge to get a Bud Light before heading outside.

I smelled the Black and Mild cigar before seeing my Step Dad. It made me stop dead in my tracks debating if I should go back inside or not.