Nepenthe (TMR FF) UNDER EDITING

Chapter 8

I watched the boy in front of me in silence, as he stirred in his sleep; alerting me that he was going to wake up at any moment. I was tempted to walk out of the Med-Jacks quarters right now. I could hardly handle looking at him when he was asleep, let alone awake. He still had dried blood covering his body, and his leg was wrapped in a gauze; a strong stick keeping it straight. He looked like death itself. Minho said that he hit his head when he fell, which explains the long cut across his forehead, and the fact that he was only just waking up after at least six hours. I wanted to say that it served him right, but not even I could wish this kind of pain on the shank.

"Emma." He muttered, turning over. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him with wide eyes. He was still half asleep, which meant that he didn't realise that I was here. He was just saying my name without realising it. I would have smiled if the situation was different, but I don't think I could smile for a long time after today.

I shifted in my chair, eyeing the boy who had started to sit up. He looked around the room, completely unaware of where he was. And it must have hit him. His suicide attempt failed. He was still in the Glade. I watched as his face contorted in pain, as he stared down at his leg. Tears came to my eyes as he let out a whimper, slamming his fists onto the bed that he lay upon. It was like watching a child throw a temper tantrum, except much, much worse. He sobbed uncontrollably, muttering words that I couldn't quite hear. And then he went to stand up.

"Stop." I spoke, my voice breaking. Newt's head snapped towards me, so fast that I was scared he would get whiplash. His eyes went from angry, to complete despair in a matter of seconds. He just stared at me, tears running down his cheeks. I had never seen Newt this low. He looked like someone had ripped his heart out and teared it to shreds. There was no more hope left in his eyes. No glimmer like here was when I first met him. Newt was officially broken.

"Clint told me that you can't walk on it." I finally said, this time, my voice remaining deathly calm. Newt didn't reply. He just continued to watch me, his eyebrows furrowed. It was as if he didn't believe that I was here. I squeezed my eyes shut, turning my head away, so that I was avoiding his sad eyes.

I shook my head, before standing up.

"Emma. Please don't leave me. I'm sorry." Newt pleaded, his eyes wide with fear. I turned to face him, smiling sadly.

"I never did, Newtie."

I came back five minutes later to see Newt was still crying. It honestly broke my heart.

"I brought you some water." I said softly, watching as his head shot up, tear stains lacing his cheeks. His face went from surprised to regretful in a matter of seconds. I wanted to wipe that stupid look off of his face. I said nothing else as I put the water bottle beside him. He stared at me for a little while longer before slowly picking up the bottle and putting it to his mouth. I watched as his cracked lips quivered when they met the slightly warm water. His nose twitched when he finished it.

"Thanks."

"That's okay." I replied awkwardly, looking away. I didn't know what else to say. Thanks for surviving? You suck for trying in the first place?

"I'm sorry, Emma." I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to just walk away and avoid this entire conversation. Can't things just go back to normal? Can he just go back to calling me love and pretend he didn't try to kill himself. That would be fine by me.

"No you're not." I said, opening my eyes and looking into his dark ones. Hurt flashed through them and the tears started again. I felt bad. Terrible. I was the worst human being in the world.

"Emma, please—" I wasn't going to stop though.

"No. You can't try to kill yourself and then say sorry." I snapped, watching as he froze, his face turning white. I felt more than bad, but he needed to hear this. "People care about you, Newt! Minho freaking cried!"

"I hate this place, Emma! There's no way out!" He shouted back, his voice raising several octaves higher. I resisted the urge to flinch back and instead took a step towards the bed that he lay upon.

"Is it really that bad, besides the fact that we can't get out? We probably have it better than most people, Newt! We have food, water, clothes. A lot of people don't have that!"

"We also have Grievers who want to kill us at every chance they get!"

"Well aren't you lucky, because you're never gonna have the opportunity to see one ever again. Congratulations." I told him, throwing my hands up in the air in mock excitement. Newt froze.

"What?" He whispered, his head bowing. I felt the stinging of tears threatening to come to the surface, as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"You broke you're leg, Newt. You can't be a runner anymore." I sighed, my voice softening. Newt let out a choked sound, and the sobbing started again. I tried to stop it, I really did, but I couldn't help but cry with him. It must have looked pretty weird from a distance; having a crying boy in a bed, with another crying girl watching him. I wanted to yell at him again, to tell him that it was his stupid fault, but the look on his face made me unable to utter a single word.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." He whimpered. I let out a short laugh, despite the fact that I didn't find the situation funny at all.

"What did you expect, Newt?"

"I expected to die!" He screamed, his voice breaking. In that moment, I swear that I have never seen a person so sad.

"You keep saying, 'don't leave me', but then you can do it without a second thought? I need you, Newt! I've needed you for the past three weeks! But what have you been doing? Creating your tragic backstory?" I snapped, stepping closer to him. He stared up at me, obviously not knowing what to say. He looked guilty, but I could tell that he didn't regret what he did. "How could you leave me?" I whispered, my voice wavering.

Without a word, Newt held his arms out, and any ounce of anger I had towards the boy, left me body. I just needed my best friend back.

We stayed that way for at least an hour; Newt holding me. He continued to whisper apologies and promises into my ear, as I laid next to him on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Love." He muttered, playing with a strand of my hair.

"You can't leave me, Newtie. Please don't leave me again." I whimpered, burying my head in his chest.

"I won't." He sighed, his head resting on top of mine.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

And I continued to cry, because even after all of this, he hesitated.