Fall for You

Six

6| A Dangerous Deal 

Sa buhay natin, may mga bagay talaga na hindi natin matatakasan kahit gaano pa natin ito naisin takbuhan. Sabi nga nila, ang problema hindi tinatakbuhan, and multo ng kahapon ay dapat hinaharap. 

I am doing fine. I am not happy but at least I am not hurting. 

Or that's what I thought?

I flew miles away from him. With the hopes that my feelings will be gone once we parted ways. 

Akala ko 'yong pagmamahal ko sa kanya mawawala na kapag nalayo ako sa kanya. Akala ko kukupas na kapag hindi ko na naramdaman 'yong init niya. Akala ko kasi 'yong nararamdaman ko sa kanya, nakabase sa init ng katawan, 'yong mahal ko siya kasi nabibigyan niya ako ng mga sensasyon na sa kanya ko unang naramdaman.

I thought my love for him is shallow. I thought it is something came from lust that I just developed into something more romantic. 

But I am wrong. Deliberately failed in my attempt to forget him.

Having my space away from him just proved that my love is deeper than what I thought it is. At 'yong distansya ko sa kanya ay mas pinalalim pa ang letseng pagmamahal ko. Mas lumaki pa ang puwang niya sa puso ko.

I am often spacing out. 

Hindi siya nakikita ng mga mata ko. Ang boses niya ay hindi na naririnig ng mga tenga ko. Ang pamilyar na amoy niya ay hindi na nalalanghap ng ilong ko. Ang init niya ay hindi na nararamdaman ng balat ko. Ang mga halik niya ay hindi na nalalasahan ng bibig ko. Pero ang buong siya ay hindi nawalay sa isip ko. 

Bawat gabi ay inaalala ng utak ko ang masasayang sandali namin. Hindi niya man ako minahal, pinaramdam naman niya sa akin na mahalaga ako. He actually cared for me. 

At nangungulila ako sa kanya. Ilang beses ko na bang naisip na bumalik sa tabi niya at makuntento na lamang sa kung anong kaya niyang ibigay. 

Pero hindi ganoon si Tatiana Marie de Vera. I won't beg for a man to love me. I'd rather endure the pain until it goes away than to kneel down and bow my head for his attention.

I managed to live my life. I am fine. I am still breathing and b-itching around. Old habits are hard to break.

I am living at San Francisco for almost a year. I am doing good. I am taking fashion designing and I am enjoying every bit of it. Designing clothes is my best distraction from thinking about him. And I feel good that I do have a purpose now. I can say that I excel in this career. 

I am a new talent but a famous designer took notice of me. She included three of my designs in her latest collection. And that gave me my worth. It's like I was born for this. 

I keep myself busy all the time. Aside from designing clothes, studying and doing a part time, I am dating someone.

I met Cooper at one of the fashion show I watched. He's one of the photographers and he asked me if he can took a picture of me. I let him and he said that he'll take me out for dinner as gratitude.

He's fun to be with. He's a gentleman and he's very supportive to me. After our third dinner together, he said he likes me. I agreed to date him. We're together for a month when I asked him to f-uck me.

Since I desperately wants to forget Mac, and I thought what I have for him is pure lust, I had s-ex with Cooper. I did enjoyed it, but not as much as I did with Marcus. 

And that was another slap on my face that what I have for Marcus is love in its purest form and not just simply lust.

Cooper and I continue dating but we never did that again. And he's gentleman enough to respect me. We stayed together for four months. He's nothing but a good boyfriend. And I tried my best to be the best for him.