The pain club

Part 7...Action

People say when someone dies you go into shock. Your world becomes cloudy and the first few days are blur.

You don't remember anything after you hear the news. Everything after seems irrelevant.

People visit to pay condolences and milk needs to be bought for coffee. Relatives talk about the good times and you almost forget about it.

Until your left alone . It only last about 5 minutes before you drift off to sleep from sheer exhaustion.

You don't dream about grieving. You dream about the deceased and their many faces. And even though your a sleep, you long for them.

And let me give you a bit of advice, if you have the chance to say goodbye, say it. There's nothing worse then unspoken words.

Goodbyes mean something. They help with the mourning. The grieving.

My uncle used to say ' Grieving is a state of mind. Just like depression'. That if you don't think about it, you won't have to deal with it.

Grieving is not a state of mind. Grieving is in the heart. All around your body.

It's the stabbing pain in your heart when you hear their name.

The aching in your bones when you think about them.

The tears in your eyes knowing you'll never see them again.

Losing someone hurts. There's no way around the pain. It must be dealt with. Head on.

Trust me, the expert of grieving and pain is talking.

"So how do you feel seeing your mother again?" Q asked me as if he didn't know already. Q was the sort of man who had a smiley face and cold hands.

"id like to pass that question"

"Paige, you pass all my questions"

"Good point Q" I smirked, irritating him more and more.

"Paige i want to talk about the friends you've made here. The nurses and doctors have all noticed the group that you've formed"

I corrected him "I didn't form any group. It formed naturally. Seeing as we're the only people that don't think we're gods in here. I mean literally..."

"Annie's your room-mate, so you know she has daily weigh-ins?"

I nodded, being very familiar with regular weigh-ins. Annie fills herself with water and wears heavy clothes. "Si"

"Well, she's been putting on weight. Course we know she fools us but never the less, she hasn't been getting worse..."

I listen intensely to Q as he is actually talking about something I'm vaguely interested in; The four weirdos I've 'formed a group' with.

"Carla's check for new scars is coming up zero." His voice had a sense of prondness as if i had done something amazing. "Reece has only gotten into one fight this week. And Joe..."

I didn't know Joe story "Joe is improving..." And i wasn't going to find out. I did feel a sense of accomplishment for them. They were all getting better while i seemed to stay average.

"Doesn't that make you want to do more Paige?"

"I'm not like them...i don't have..." I thought about what there was to say. "Its not like i can snap my fingers and I'll be better"

"Paige, you realised you've improved massively over these couple of weeks. You have a life to you. You're no longer a danger to yourself..." He trailed off.