Allegiant's "Actual" Ending

Chapter 57: Tobias

When I float to the surface of consciousness, I find that I am unusually warm. I start to shift to my side and wake fully to find that two startling blue eyes are looking into mine. Some way or another, Tris has climbed into my lap, which surprises me since she is so frail after not using her muscles for several months.

For a long moment, all we can do is stare at each other. I search her eyes hungrily. Her gaze is steady, and finally she heaving a sigh, she kisses my cheek.

"Couldn't sleep." She says.

"I can't blame you. You've been sleeping for four months."

"They told me." She pauses, leaning her head against my chest, breathing deeply for a few moments. I put my arms around her, afraid that if I don't hold on to her tight enough, she will slip away again. But, after a few minutes she pulls back. "I know about Uriah." A tear runs down her cheek which I thumb away quickly. She's looking at my chest with distant, dazed eyes. I slide my thumb under her jaw and tilt her head up to kiss her gently.

It takes her a moment to continue. "Caleb visited with me today too. None of this is his fault, so please don't blame him. He... I had to go, Tobias."

I try to swallow my anger. Part of me had been mad at Caleb, and the other, I now realize, had been mad at her for doing this to me. But that fades as I realize how deep this conviction ran in her, how much she loves him and how much I can tell she wants to relieve my pain, and her choice's effect. And she must see something in him to do this.

"I can't say I'm sorry for the choice I made, because I would do it again, but I'm sorry I hurt you so much. And-"

I cut her off. "It's okay. Everything is okay. You're back. That's all that matters."

Another tear. "Not everything." Her voice is a whisper. "I still remember everything. And David came in to see me. Of course, he didn't remember everything, but.."

"Oh, Tris." I put two fingers under her chin and kiss her again. This time I am more firm. "Everything is over now. We'll be alright."

"I want to go somewhere else. Just to not have to think about it. Any of it." She sighs again. "But the nurse was kind enough as it is to let me come out here. To half carry me out here, actually. I can hardly move on my own, I'm so weak." She sounds so frustrated, I know that this is going to be an interesting next couple of weeks. "I hope I can get out of here tomorrow so I can actually do something. I hate being so helpless."

Spent, she rests against my chest and I put my chin on top over her head, as I hold her. As she falls asleep, I listen to the sound of the nurses working the night shift, the beeps of unknown machines, the shuffle of paper. Everything is so quiet. It's the sound of a different kind of silence, and it lulls me back to sleep.