Before We Were Fifty

Chapter 18

Well shit. That's a punch in the face. I thought he loved me?

"Dakota, stop thinking about it like that." A mind reader he is- Jamie knows all too well what is wrong with me. My mind is rotten and he knows just how it works. Sitting up better, I swing my body so my legs- broken one and all- are over the edge of the bed and I start to grab onto my IV stand. "Hey, where do you think you're going? Baby, please don't leave."

"I'm not leaving, you idiot..." Hopping over to his bed, I force him to scoot over as I sit down next to him. "Hold me."

"Always." He doesn't hesitate in my demand. Pulling me close to his side, Jamie kisses my head and plays with my hand. "It was all dependent on you. If you said yes or not."

"So you were gonna ask me?" Looking up at him, his smile is miniscule, but full of love and pride. Leaning deeper into him, I try to remember the last time I felt so damn perfect and happy.

"Of course I was going to ask you. I didn't want to wait anymore."

"You keep using past tense..."

"Baby you read too much into things. I still want to marry you."

"Ask then."

"You're so demanding." His grumpy face slinks in and pushes his smile away, but I know it's just a façade.

"Fine. Then don't ask me. Save yourself the headache." I turn away from him and cross my arms. God I am moody. I just need to calm down. At first I was joking, but now I'm really mad and upset. What is wrong with me?

"Hey, don't you know I love the headache." His chuckle burns me and he tries to pull me closer to him, but I jerk away. "I'm joking Dakota. God, I'm just trying to get passed the shitty feeling that a few hours ago you were dead and I didn't even get to say goodbye and that I love you!"

Twisting around, I throw myself into him and the tears burn my eyes as they drop to his chest. I know his pain of thinking the love of my life dying. That's what killed me in the first place. Oh how tragic it truly is.

"I love you so much Kota. I couldn't bare losing you."

"I'm sorry Jamie. I don't know why I'm so emotional today. I love you too, without a doubt."

"It's okay, baby. I understand." Soon the door opens once more and in walks my mom and Jim holding at bay Dulcie and Lukas. Our babies in sight, I feel our breathing steady at last

"Mommy! Daddy!" They both scream in delight while struggling against our parents to come see us. Lukas' eyes are filled with tears as he hugs me tightly, he little fists clutching my hair as his face is pressed into my neck.

"Babies, I've missed you so much. I got you. Daddy and I got you babies." My mother's face softens. She knows the feeling of missing her babies. Jim smiles smally at the sight of Jamie and I holding our children tightly.

"Daddy. I miss yous!" Dulcie is plastered in Jamie's kisses and Lukas in mine.

"Oh princess. I've missed you so much."

**Three Months Later**

"God it feels great being able to walk again." I stretch my legs out across the couch after grabbing the popcorn from the microwave.

"I'm just enjoying being out of the hospital and home now." Jamie pulls me closer to his side and kisses my neck. Being back in Jamie's home in Ireland feels about as normal as being in Vancouver. It was difficult for him to relearn how to walk. My leg wasn't as bad, but the pain was still immense when first getting back on my feet. "What are we watchin'?"

"Serendipity."

"This isn't a sad chick-flick is it?" Looking up into his eyes, I smile and kiss his scruffy jaw.

"It is a chick-flick, but not really a sad one." His arms pick me up and place me in between his legs so my back is against his chest, while the popcorn is in my lap. Jim took the kids for us so we could have a night to relax. It's wonderful that he's getting to know Lukas. They both need that. "You're so warm. Mhmm, I love being against your chest like this."

"I keep pitching the idea of Lazy Boy making a heated chair in the shape of men."

"Haha, that would be be fabulous. I would totally buy one!" He turns his head sideways to me and gives me a stern look. "I'm just trying to get your business off the ground. Besides if you're gonna be the mold for it, then you're not gonna be as special to me cause every girl would have a Jamie Dornan love chair."

"No pouting, I'd have other guys do it. You're the only one who gets the original." Giggling at the thought, I set the popcorn on the coffee table and turn to face him on my stomach. With my chest pressed against his, his hands slide down my back and holds my ass firmly against his front. He kisses me slowly and for some involuntary reason, my hand slides down his side and over his member who slowly awakens. Jamie's eyes raise and I bite my lip nervously. It's been three years since I had sex with him, let alone any man. "Dakota...don't bite your lip..."

His warning is power to my want. It's an achy need that is suppressing my fears and pushing me over the edge. My hand unbuttons his jeans and slips inside his boxers before he can protest- not like he would but you never know. Feeling his hardened size in my hand once again surprises me. His one hand slides under my cotton shorts and laced underwear and over my sex. Without hesitation, a finger slips inside me and I pause for a few seconds just sucking on my lip in bliss. God I haven't felt this good in a long time. Sitting up, I remove my clothes without a second thought. Tugging his pants down, he releases himself from his cotton prison cell and tosses his shirt to the side. Gently I stroke him and get on my knees. It's still intimidating.

"Dakota, baby, you don't have to do that. Not tonight. Tonight, I just want to enjoy you." Pulling me from my knees, he carries me to the bedroom and places me on the bed. Towering over me, he slowly stalks up the bed on all fours and slowly toys with me. Rubbing the head of his penis up and down my sex, he watches me squirm with delight as he rubs across my clit several times. Pushing in, he takes me by surprise and a small gasp escapes my throat. It looks like the scene where Ana loses her virginity- him lovingly over top of me. His arms on each side o my face proving himself up as his hands caress my cheeks. His tongue plays in my mouth and soon small kisses are left on my neck and jawline. He never stops moving in me. His mouth never leaves my body. We writhe and twist in each other's lust and soon dissipate one right after the other.

Laying against his chest, legs entangled in each other's, I kiss his pectoral muscle and lay my head in the crook of his neck. It smells of sex in here, but it's so bitter sweet that nothing else exists.

"I love you."

"I love you too Dakota."