Before We Were Fifty

Chapter 13:

Pulling away from his kiss, my eyes squeeze closed as I lean against the head board. I don't remember a damn thing, but Mattson dick against my ass. It's bothersome. How did Jamie even find me and bring me home?

"Jamie...how did I get here?" Drawing in a heavy sigh, he looks deep into my eyes before taking my hand in his.

"That guy had you pinned to the counter- just about to... huh, I came into the Pub looking for the funeral after tracking him down. I heard a raucous and when I opened the door saw you passed out. I beat the shit out of that guy and called the cops." Swallowing, I can barely breathe let alone understand the complexity of it all. "I wanted to kill that fucker for hurting you..."

"What about my car?"

"I had Colin bring it here. They were watching Dulcie last night when I went out." He seems short with me, angered from remembering last night. Shifting my eyes downward, I feel worse than I look and wish I could change what happened.

"I never meant to hurt you Jamie...I was just blinded by jealousy..."

"I know. Dakota, I just wish you could've talked to me about it."

"I have a big mess to clean up..." My voice cracks and I sink lower in the bed. I don't want to explain anything, but at the same time people need to know the truth.

"Yeah, you do...however you go about it, don't do it with sketchy people."

"How come it feels like you're done with me?"

"Because I am...for now." He seems stern and heartless, but I don't blame him. I can't blame him in any way. I fucked up. I'm the mistake. Trying to be strong, I try and hold my tears back as I slowly stand up. He remains on the bed and watches me as I grab my clothes and go to the restroom. Inside, I grab a towel and cry into it, to muffle my sobs. It's unfair. I wish I made the right decisions in life- I'd hurt a lot less people, including myself. After composing myself and dressing, I walk out to his bedroom and place his clothes in the laundry before heading towards the front door. Dulcie runs up to me and hugs my leg.

"Mommy stay!" Bending down, I know Jamie's watching from the kitchen, so I try to seem brave and strong, but I'm breaking farther and farther.

"Baby girl, I love you so much, but I have to go away for a little bit..."

"Not like mom! I ove you!!!" A tears breaks the barrier and streams down my face.

"Sweetie, enough. I have to go." I firmly, but shakily say, before getting up and bolting out the door. Leaving that little girl has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. When I get in my car, I start it up and back out of the townhouse's driveway. As I drive, more and more tears pool down my face as my windshield wipers work at max speed. The rain is pouring down faster than a single heartbeat. My head is spinning uncontrollably and all my thoughts come back to Lukas- how can he live without his father? Without Dulcie? How will he grow up with this web of lies?

I continue to drive trough the down pour and just feel my heart sinking further into my chest. What was my mother going to say when I sees her next? How mad will my mom and my family be? Pulling into the condos driveway, the house light is on, but there's no cars in the driveway. Sighing, I shut off the Coop and run through the rain, into the house. It's empty and the only thing I want to do right now is puke from my dizziness. Going to bedroom, I grab my own PJs and start to change, until I notice the several large bruises from Jamie whipping me. He must have seen them too, but he must not care about them. Crying harder I lay in bed and soon fall asleep-even though it's only 9:30 in the morning. Sleeping the day away I wake up and find it's already 5:00. I don't think I've ever slept so much in my life. imagine if I were narcoleptic, I don't know how I'd manage- although I'm probably exaggerating it a bit, but still.