Breakup Helpline [#2 of the Helpline Trilogy]

11: 33 a.m

"Hello, welcome to Breakup Helpline! How-" 

"Wow, you're here on a Saturday morning? You really must have no life."

"Obviously. I'm single, I'm still in high school and I hate everybody so...no shit, Sherlock." 

"You can't hate everybody! What about your mom?"

"Yeah, I hate her too. It's nothing personal, really. It's just..."

"It has to do with the whole 'don't believe in love' act right?"

"Why do you think it's an act? I legit don't believe in love. I mean, I believe in friendship love and familial love but that whole romance 'till-death-do-us-part' shit? Yeah, not my cup of tea. I get why people want it, but I'm not that type of girl. Sex is great, one-night-stands help take care of that perfectly well but the whole relationship thing is just messy. You would know, considering your relationship didn't go too well, Mr I-Was-Cheated-On." 

"Hey! My example is just one. Okay? I still believe that one day I will meet somebody who will love me as I am and would stay loyal. She will be beautiful and smart. We'll conquer the world together, get married, have kids and get a happy ending." 

"Pfft. I almost choked on my vomit, I hope you know that."

"Oh, come on, Serena! Don't you just love love?"

"I will literally give you a hundred bucks, Benjamin Franklin, to shut up about this right now." 

"Benjamin Franklin? My name's Theo." 

"Yeah, I'm not good at remembering names and I don't know why but you give out this really condescending patriarchal paradigm kind of vibe so I'm going with Franklin. Yeah, I'm liking Franklin." 

"Franklin?"

"Why, would you prefer me to call you 'Fucktard'? Because I have a list of very accountable nicknames that's a whole lot worse than Franklin." 

"Uh, Franklin's good." 

"That's what I thought." 

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