Breakup Helpline [#2 of the Helpline Trilogy]

3: 18 p.m

"I saw Tiffany today."

"Who the hell is Tiffany?"

"My girlfriend...well, ex-girlfriend."

"Oh, the chick whose vagina swallowed your best friend's dick, right."

"..."

"Was that too much?"

"How the hell are you not in a mental institution?"

"A Xanax a day keeps the crazy bitch away."

"Should I file for a restraining order?"

"It is advisable, but not necessary. Anyway, so you saw your cheating swine of an ex today?"

"...to put it lightly, yes. I ran into her while shopping groceries with my stepmom."

"Oh, stepmom."

"Yeah, my dad remarried after my mom died."

"Do we like or hate her?"

"We hate her."

"See, this is what I like about friendships. You hate the hell out of each other, but you have a common enemy. I'm blabbering. Please, continue."

"And I saw her with Richard."

"Who the fucking hell is Richard?"

"My used to be best friend. This is the guy who she cheated on me with."

"Ah, that dick. Nobody fucking likes that dick."

"Well, it is his name."

"What- oh, ha. What an unfortunate name. I guess you can officially say Dick is a dick, both literally and figuratively." 

"Haha, I guess you could. Anyway, I ran into her and...it went okay."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't break down, I didn't freak out...I was okay. I think I'm finally over her."

"WOOHOO! YAY!"

"My ears!"

"Sorry, it's just that I won!"

"Won what?"

"The bet."

"What bet?" 

"Well, Eva and I bet how long it'll take you to get over Tiffany. Eva says you probably never will and I said you did so woohoo, I'm twenty bucks richer."

"You bet on my failed relationship?"

"Oh, come on, Franklin! Are you really that surprised at this point?"

"...okay, yeah I should've expected that from you."

"Exactly. This friendship works. You understand me and I understand you."

"I don't understand you."

"It's a crime to lie, Franklin. Dammit!" 

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I can go on for days, Franklin. This awkward silence."

"You just broke it."

"That doesn't count!"

"It so does!"

"No, it doesn't!" 

"IT DOES."

_______

i feel like serena is eva on crack. well, she is. XD ANYWAY, VOTE, COMMENT AND CHECK OUT THE GIRL WHO SAW THROUGH JEM IF YOU CAN! :)