To The End

14 We may define therapy as a search for value.

        24 Days.

        "I'll see you later then." Mikey kisses me on the cheek, then grabs Izzy's collar so she won't run out. I walk out of the door, closing it behind me. I take the lift. Slow as always. I really don't feel like taking a taxi. I'll walk. It's okay outside today, I guess. It's only a few blocks to the therapists.  I just walk quietly, ignoring everyone around me. I suppose this is stupid. Behind me, I vaguely hear "Dakota! Dakota, wait!" I'm too zoned out to care though.

         It's Bob. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I almost die of a heart attack. "Oh, dear lord. Bob, you scared me" I say, out of breath, from my near death experience. "I'm sorry" he blushes. I shake my head. "It's alright, I was just zoned out. Hi, Bob" he smiles. "Hi. I was just on my way to see Gerard and Frank. It seems I'm headed in the same direction as you." I smile. "Yes" he looks at me questioningly. "Can I.. walk with you?" "OH, yeah, sure.." I say, then continue walking.

        Shit, shit, shit. The therapist office is totally before Frank's place. I don't want Bob to know where I'm going. What do I do?! Shit, there's nowhere that I can stop on the way. God. We're almost there. I wonder if he'll even notice. I stop in front of the office.  "See you later, then?" he's looking up at the sign. Shit. He nods. "Bye". That's why I love Bob. He never gets into anyone's business. He starts walking away,

        "Wait, Bob?" I call out, he turns around "Yeah?" I look down at my feet. "Please don't tell anyone where I was going" I look up to see him walking away again. "Don't worry".

        I walk inside. The secretary at the front desk (I still haven't learned her name) looks up, "Morning, Mrs. Summers" I wave. "Dr. Smith is ready. Just through the door" I walk back into the hallway, then all the way to the back door, which has a big shiny nameplate DR. JOHN SMITH. I push the door open. "Hi, Doctor" I sit down on the couch.

        "Anything... new, that you should be telling me?" I tell him about the episode I had. "..and I had the same dream last night." he nods. "Have you told your new boyfriend about your schizophrenia? Has he noticed?" I shake my head. "I haven't had anything that would make him notice, I've had the episode, and my tortured dreams. But I've ignored the hallucinations the best I could, so I don't talk to myself." he nods, "Well, at least it's under control."

        I yawn and rub my eyes, "Dakota, how long has it been since you've had a good nights sleep?" The Doctor asks, "Um... a while" "Dakota?" I sigh, "About a week. And the nightmares, they're getting worse, and I just want them to stop." He sighs, "Have you been taking any sleeping pills?" I shake my head, "I don't think that's a wise idea. If I take any more pills, I'll drop dead." He nods. "I can see how you would think that."

        "Well, to maybe calm your nerves, I've got a surprise." Oh no. "I already hate you, Doctor" he smiles. "What is it?" He's grinning now. Fuck. He's been my therapist for three years now, and he only grins when...

        Mom walks into the room, causing me to choke on the breath I was taking. Dad follows her. Oh my lord. Oh my lord. I'm dead. I'm dead. Am I hyperventilating? I think so. Is that suspicious..? "Mum... dad..." Mom hugs me, "Sweetie, it's been so long since we've seen you" oh god stop touching me. Get away. I'm surprised that she would even get near me. They are afraid of me. They should be, I almost killed my brother. I don't remember doing it, but apparently I was having an episode, and he was the only one there to help. I ended up stabbing him multiple times. Lucky for me, he didn't actually press any charge against me, and I was only put in a mental institution for three months. 

        Dad doesn't even come within five feet of me. He doesn't say anything, either.

The whole time we're together, the words ring in my head...

"You're are a monster."

"We never did anything to deserve a child like you."