Markiplier Reader [NEW 2015]

Shit Stains

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
"(Y/N)! Are you alright? Did your wedding ring fall down the sink again?

You stomp your feet in agony as you watch all your hard work sizzle to a crisp.

"Damn (y/n), trying to smoke us out of our house or no?"
"Whyyyyyy?????"
"Let me guess...You burnt the pancakes again. Didn't you?"

You slowly slide down onto the kitchen floor and curl into fetal position. Then you slowly nod your head.

"It's okay...it was just uh.." Mark spread his arms out and hunched his shoulders up. "An honest mistake."

"Honest mistakes don't happen three times in a week, Mark." You put emphasis on Mark's name, just because he wasn't getting that you are a complete fuck up when it comes to pancakes.

"Well they happen 26 years ago."
"What do you mean, they happen 26 years ago? What the hell could've happened 26 years ago that I could care about?"
"Uh..hello? My birthing?!"
"What does that have to do with me being a complete and udder fuck up?"

"I never told anyone-except Wade. I told Wade. Oh, I Also told Matthias, ohoh and-"
"I THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL! " You stomped off after yelling at your husband of two years.

"Babe...I'm sorry."
"Douche."
"What was that?"
"DOUCHE!"
"You don't mean that do you?"
"MARK YOU'RE AN INSENSITIVE, DICKWAD OF A HUSBAND THAT... bought me I-ice cream? What?"

Mark had brought you a tub of your favorite ice cream (or whatever you want it to be if you dislike ice cream) and the biggest spoon in the house.

"See, when you make pancakes, you get mad, and when you get mad, you call me a douche, and when you call me a douche I get sad, when Markipoo gets sad, there's a fucking problem. So I walked my ass right in that kitchen and pulled out your favorite ice cream and gave you the biggest spoon in the house."

"Mmhmm, and...how'd you know i was making pancakes this morning?"
"Thing is, I didnt. I just kinda went out and bought like three tubs just in case."
"And why didn't I know sooner? ...About you know, the douche thing. I would have been calling you a douche all day."
"Cause when I get called a douche too much, you don't get ice cream."

You stop and stare at Mark. What did he mean? No more ice cream? The thought made you sad.

"But...Why not?"
"Cause you're anger turns me on baby."
"Fuck off douche. You said no more ice cream for me."
"Ok then. I'll just leave you and your new found friend to eat each other out."
"Mmfb, thankgs Murk."
"Uhhuh."

Mark walked slowly out of the room, chewing his gum and clapping his hands. Kind of a penguin walk.

About five minutes later, Mark calls you into the kitchen. You set down the halfway finished (bitch please, I meant empty for two minutes straight) tub of ice cream.

"Wassup Mark?"
"Since you and Mr. Ben and Jerry's were eating each other out I thought I'd show you what I do when you get mad."

You raise a eyebrow at him in confusion.

"You're losing me Mark. Explain."
"Oh, I don't have to."

He opened up the fridge and got out a brownie you saved for later. You really wanted that brownie. But...

Too bad. He took a bite out of it and tossed it in the trash.

"What'd you do that for?!"
"Mmfn."

Mark then opened the pantry and got out a box of Cheez-Its you'd been saving for a rainy day...it was hard though.

But Mark made it even harder as he poured then all out on the counter.

"MARK! STAPH!"
"Are you mad or naw?"
"Very."
"Not enough..."
"What?"

Just then Mark reached into your purse and pulled out a chocolate bar. Your chocolate bar.

"Don't you dare fuck with my chocolate bar..."
"Fuck it? Did i hear you correctly?"
"Don't cross that line."

Mark slowly unwrapped the chocolate bar and looked straight into your eyes.

"You know..." He started unbuckling his belt. "A great person once said that the line was drawn..."

He pulled his pants down a bit lower to show his briefs. Then he stuffed the unwrapped chocolate bar into his briefs.

"...To be crossed."
"WHAT tHE fUcK Did YOu JuSt Doooooooo???!!!"
"Damn girl. This chocolate giving me better head than you...oh shit. Don't staph!"

Mark moaned out and looked straight at you, seeing the anger build up, all the sexual tension was getting to you.

"Mark?" You were speaking in that really calm voice. I think the expression we can use here is "the calm before the storm".

"Too busy right now (y/n)...Fuck yes!"
"Have you ever had chocolate kicked- I mean licked. Licked. Off your...uh thingy woo?"
"No...Why?" Mark's face has started out confused, but he had gotten what you were saying.

"You wanna try?"
"No Mark."
"Too bad. It was just getting melted."

You bit your lip in lust.

"FOR CHOCOLATE'S SAKE, TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN PANTS!"
"This is the side of (y/n) I like to see."
"Shut up. You got lucky."
"I can't wait to see your sexy little face dripping cum....and chocolate."

"Ew...sounds worst out loud."

****

"MARK!"
"Recording!"
"Get. Your. Ass. Here. NOW."
"I'm coming, jeez. Wassup?"

You hold up Mark's underwear from the night before.

"Shit stains?"
"No...those are memories I'll never want to forget. The way you licked the dripping-"
"Mark!"
"How about the part when you swallowed both and-"
"Mark!Remember all you want, but I'm not cleaning
these."
"Fine. I'll do it."
"Good. I was hoping you would."
"Why (y/n)? Cause I'm a good husband?"
"Haha, no."
"Wellllllll...."
"Cause there's more chocolate in my purse."

"You naughty little angel..."