Yellow

3

-Day 7-

Ben just dropped me off and now I'm lying in the bathtub trying to calm the storms in my mind but it does not quite work yet. My mother was standing in the open door when I climbed out of the car even though I hadn't told her an exact time for our arrival and I suspect her of having blinked back a few tears which is really weird since she never ever cries infront of me nor Ella. I guess she's just really happy to have me back? Ella moved out two years ago so I'm her only child to protect now and I don't leave the house very often for such a long time and maybe all that made her house feel suddenly weirdly empty and she started to wish she could have her weird son back quickly so that he could fill the weird empty house or something like that. I don't know. As I said before, I'm not a very social person and I don't know much about emotions and feelings and stuff like that. I've never missed a human being except Ella, and Ella is the best human being I know so it's only natural that I would miss her, but I don't understand how anyone could miss me.

Anyway, so I'm in one of my favourite places-to-be aka my bathtub. I really love to take baths. I guess if anyone wanted to know some of my hobbies, bathing would be one of the first things to come into my mind, after reading and thinking and listening to music of course. Tomorrow's Monday and I'm kind of scared of going back to school. It feels like an eternity since I last walked down those empty and sometimes packed hallways and I don't feel good about going there tomorrow. The little roadtrip seemed to last forever and now I'm back here in the usual place and tomorrow, everything will be just like it always is and ever was and always will be. I wish I was free to do what I want to do, to go where I want to go and to live my life like I want to, but at the age of 17 you have to follow the rules of others, no matter how idiotic those rules may be.

It seems like I tend to forget what I planned on writing in here because right now, I'm just kind of writing down my thoughts and emotions and that's exactly not what I wanted to write down! I wanted this place here to get filled with both good and bad memories, with things and thoughts that moved me throughout this year but since that doesn't seem to work for me, I just now decided to write down whatever I want.

No rules. No limits. Just what I feel like writing down. This is my book, this is me, this is my year and this year is all about what I want myself to be. So. See you tomorrow, maybe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Arthur, wake up. You really need to get going if you want to be on time today!", my mother's voice is filling my ears and my mind is suddenly pulled out from where it was hidden in my cloudy dreams. I get up, shoot myself an angry glare in the mirror and decide to cut out showering today. Getting up is not a huge problem for me, but leaving the house is. And being on time is, too. So as per usual, my mother practically throws me out of the car infront of school and with my backpack thrown over one shoulder I slowly walk towards the entrance, just to annoy her. Time is relative. I don't understand why students need to fill their brains with numbers and sentences and historical facts at 7 o'clock in the morning, anyway. I bet there's not one single teacher who enjoys standing infront of 25 people every morning either, so why don't let the young folks sleep a little while longer? My classmates seem to agree with me in this point since most of them have dark shadows beneath their eyes and there actually is one girl that appears to be still wearing her pyjama. I have never seen her here before, at least I think so but I don't know all my classmates personnally, to be honest. So might be she's new here, might be she's been going to this school for ages on end.

I somehow manage to get through the day without zoning out and end up sitting next to Ben, Will and Paul in our local park that has some sort of small lake in the middle of it. All four of us really like it here, with the water and the sunshine and the ducks on the lake and all. Ben is just telling Will and Paul, who are by the way our other two really close friends and quite great humans, about Evie. Paul is probably the only one of us who has already had a girlfriend and he still does, he and Grace have been dating since forever, at least it feels like it. Grace is okay, but she does not quite match Paul in my opinion. Will and I are the two loners of the group, now that Ben's got Evie.

I'm trying real hard to stay calm when Ben finally reaches the point in his story of how much he's missing her and Will notices, but he manages to keep his mouth closed. "But why don't you just visit her? I mean, if you miss her all that much... I'd ride a fucking horse around the Wild West to get to see Grace", Paul says with a wide smile and I immediately frown and press my lips together to stop the words from spilling straight out of my mouth. Will laughs and so does Ben instead of answering Paul's question. I suppose he's nervous and unsure of how to act around Evie because it's his first kind-of-maybe-girlfriend and he just is a very shy human being in general. "Talk to her about it, that's probably the best way to deal with such a situation", Will calmly says and I nod. Will is the clever one in our group, always trying to help and always caring. He's what you would call a gentle soul, however strange that might sound. I already told you about Ben and I can't describe myself because I'll paint my own picture in your head after a while with my way of using words, but there's still Paul to tell you about. Paul is the funny one, laughing and full of positivity. I can count the days when Paul was sad and not bristling with energy on one single hand, that's how optimistic he really is. In the end, we're a pretty good group of pretty good friends and I'm glad to have those three in my life.

When I'm around them just like now, simply sitting next to a small lake in a parc in a small town, I don't even think about the numbness in my body. I don't even think of any emotions or feelings at all, because I'm directly in the moment, not lost somewhere in my past or my future like I usually am.

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Hi friends (even though there's probably nobody reading this),

I hope you had a good day and an okay or even good time reading this thing here. I have a vague idea of where I want to go with this story, but I haven't got everything planned out yet so please excuse me if you're missing a bit of structure. Also I'm new on here so please tell me if there's anything I'm doing wrong. Have a glorious night/morning/day! -me