Yellow

9

-Day 20-

Usually, when asked to describe myself, I choose the words ordinary and introvert just because I'm unable to think of anything else. But now, after three days with Alice, I'd also use the small word happy, just because I actually am happy. Alice's presence simply makes me happy, that's all there is. Well, maybe not literally all, because there is also somethind different, something more, something I can't quite grasp yet, something meaningful and special.

I decided that today will be a non-alicey day. That means that I can choose between two options: I could either spend the day doing nothing at home in my bed or I could call up my poor, neglected friends and force them to spend their day with me. Since I haven't seen Ben or Will or Paul in what feels like forever, I slowly crawl out of bed and start the seemingly endless search for my mobile phone.

Me being me and today being Saturday, it's already well past noon when I finally manage to call them and because I'm the only socially-awkward person in our group it's only Will who hasn't got plans for today, the other two are busy doing important social stuff. As per usual, Will and I agree upon meeting in the parc, right next to the lake. I take a quick shower, put fresh clothes on, grab my bike and head over to our usual spot.

-"Hey, sorry I'm late!"

-"No problem at all, Art. I should be used to you always being late by now, shouldn't I?"

-"Yeah, most definitely! So, how are you doing?"

-"Okay, I guess. Haven't got anything to do, so a bit bored though. A bit very much bored."

As soon as he says that I realize how tired and pale he's looking today. Dark shadows circling his green eyes are clearly visible underneath his glasses and his normally tidy hair is all tousled up.

-"You sure you're okay?"

-"Don't worry about me, Arthur. I'm just fine, alright? As I said, simply bored but I'll find something to occupy myself with as soon as I get home."

-"Alice and I are going on a little trip to the sea tomorrow, you could come along if you want to?"

-"Are you serious? I don't want to be thirdwheeling you two love birds, so thanks but no, I'll stay at home and start watching a new series or something."

-"Will, you know that's not true. I've told you before and I'm telling you now: There's nothing between Alice and me. She probably doesn't even think about me that way."

And it's true. Alice is a very friendly and kind human being, but she's not interested in relationships or romantic stuff or anything - I mean, she hasn't exactly told me that, but she acts like it. While I felt extremely happy and warm inside during our hug on Wednesday, she certainly didn't. She hugs others all the time, at school and also at home. I never hug my parents nor my friends, so I don't know if the hug felt so special because of me being unused to hugging in general or because of it being a hug between me and her. I don't know. I'm probably just really, really weird.

-"Girls are fucking mysteries, there's no way you can know what she's really feeling. Deep down, she probably doesn't even know herself what she's really feeling. Girls are riddles, impossible to solve."

-"Why so poetic today though, Will? But I guess you're right. Anyway, how was your week? I haven't talked to you in forever!"

Will starts complaining about how boring his life is at the moment and I try my best to comfort him, but he and I both know how bad I am at cheering others up. Before Alice, my life used to be just as boring as Will's, but by now I have no idea how I spent my days without her. I mean, of course I do, but I can't imagine ever going back to that same old routine-filled days stuffed with nothing but school, my bed, food and my laptop. But that's another problem right now. How am I supposed to continue living without her? Is it normal to get so attached to an ordinary friend? Of course Alice's not ordinary, she's more like the exact opposite of it, but we are quite ordinary friends. And after only three days of being real friends with her I'm already incredibly dependent of her. I'm too offish to ask after Will's opinion concerning that matter, so I just focus on breathing and clear my mind.

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Alice's yellow is back, by the way. All my yellows are back again, but Alice's is the strongest one and it still continues to drive the fog and the dark out of my head. And that's also one thing I'm worried about, since it links to the problem of me getting too dependent of her. But I decided to welcome the new brightness inside my mind and to stop constantly worrying about everything, just like that one doctor from back then told me to.