Yellow

5

-Day 15-

Six days. It's already been six days. I haven't seen the girl-who-wore-a-pyjama to school again since that encounter deep in the woods. It wasn't really deep in the woods though to be honest, I just like to make my memories a bit more exciting and special, and doing this may or may not give me another reason to stay alive for. Anyway, I also haven't been able to get her off my mind ever since that encounter deep in the woods. It's been almost a whole week now, today is Saturday and I'm currently in bed, letting my mind roam free.

You can probably tell that I've never had a real girlfriend before. I mean, I did kiss a girl once or maybe twice, but I don't like to go out and meet new people and I'm not good at making friends either, so I don't even know that many girls. The ones I do know appear to be only caring about someone else's looks, what someone else is wearing, what someone else said the other day and what make-up looks best on whatever kind of skin. I just don't get girls like this. I don't get why anybody would judge anyone so harshly based simply on their looks! Of course it is important to look after your appearance and to brush your teeth and to take a shower, but you can't change the face or the body you were born with. I don't like to judge people, in general. And I don't like people who judge others, despite the fact that sometimes, we actually all do judge others. We can't change that, but we at least we can try.

I just now realized that right now, I too am using this thing here as a way to judge girls and now I kind of feel bad. Instead of ranting in here I should probably write down some of the things that happened during those last six days, because don't you want to look back on your glorious teen-years some day when you're really old, Art?

So. I only told Will everything about the girl-who-wore-a-pyjama-to-school and not yet Ben or Paul, because I feel like Will kind of deserves to know about it. Because it was Will, sitting all alone in the cafeteria and worrying about his friend who randomly sprinted out of the room for hours on end. Okay, maybe not for hours on end, but he seemed to be pretty upset when I finally resurfaced from the dark fog and was able to actually care for my friends. Because that's what friends do. They care for each other. My friends do, at the very least.

Will got really excited once I had finished telling him all about it, how she followed me and the way she was just sitting next to me and the way she looked up at me and the way the sunlight got all caught up in her hair. He told me that he might actually know her, he was quite sure that her name began with the letter A and that she was maybe one year younger than us.

A. Just like me. Arthur and A. I wish I knew her full name and I wish I wouldn't be thinking about her all the damn time. But she's like engraved in my mind, her face, her eyes, her way of caring about a complete stranger, her hair and the sunlight. Whenever I close my eyes now to get a little yellow, it is always the yellow of her hair mixed up with the sunlight that appears on the inside of my eyelids. Before, it was only the yellow or orange or red that resulted from the sunlight in my direct environment filtering through my eyelids.

Now, it's her. It's strange, isn't it, how much somebody you barely know can mean to you?