Yellow

13

-Intense Day-

After all the fun we had at the beach yesterday, Alice and I decided to drive to the ocean again today. My mother seemed happy enough that I finally started spending some time outside with other people more  frequently and again let us borrow her car, and just like yesterday Alice packed us some sandwiches because I don't even come close to understanding the art of cooking. 

But unlike yesterday, the sky is filled with grey clouds and there is a sharp, nevertheless warm wind blowing and rustling through the bushes growing on the dunes, so we sit huddled close together, a thick blanket draped over us, and share a cup of warm tea. Al just tied her hair back into a messy bun and is now pensively staring out into the vastness of the ocean, her head resting against my shoulder. 

"Are you okay?", she mumbles, startling me. 

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"Art, you don't have to pretend with me, you know? I'm aware of the fact that you're sometimes the very opposite of okay, and I was probably just thinking right now and I started to get worried", as soon as those words have left her mouth, I can sense my body becoming rigid and my muscles tense. 

You can't tell her, don't let her know. She won't understand, she'll start noticing all the bad things about you just like she should've a long time ago, you little freak. Remember? Freak. That's what you used to be. A loner, a weirdo, a freak. And freaks aren't supposed to share their emotions with normal people, Arthur. 

And just like that, the voice is back. I grit my teeth and try to ignore it, try to focus on what I like to call my sane thoughts. 

"There's nothing for you to worry about. Please, Alice, look at me?"

She turns her head and rests her chin on her knee, pulling it closer to her chest. 

"I just don't want you to be sad, okay?"

Sad. Sad is such a nice word for how I can make you feel, isn't it? To my own surprise, I realize that I agree with the voice this time. Sad really is a way-too-nice word for how I feel sometimes, but I suppress my uprising anger. 

"I-I haven't been sad since I got to know you, don't worry, really. I mean it. Don't worry about me. I'm okay, great actually, and I don't want you to worry about things that aren't real anymore, because then I really would be sad.", I say as calm as possible and place a small kiss on her forehead. 

"Okay. But please call me, text me or just tell me in any way possibe when you're not okay, alright?"

Nodding, I pull her even closer to me and rest my head on her shoulder. 

"Same thing goes for you though, love."

And as soon as I sense her smile, I can feel the voice shrinking in my head, getting quieter and quieter until it is almost completely gone again. 

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There is loud music radiating off of our house like heat from a sandy beach in the middle of summer and I can almost feel it surging through the soles of my feet into my body even though I'm only standing on the front porch. 

"You sure you don't want to come in?"

"Nah I'm fine and also very much looking forward to the comforts of my bed." Alice laughs and leans in to place a quick kiss on my lips. I smile and pull her closer to me, deepening the kiss and making her grin in the process. After a few seconds, she breaks the kiss by leaning back and looking up at me. 

"Good night and have fun with whatever's going on inside! I love you, remember?" she whispers and I say it back, actually meaning it. I've found it hard to tell people how I felt about them in the past, but with her I seem to be fine. She waves at me and turns on her heel, walking down the street into the direction of her house. 

Walking towards the entrance, I fumble with my keys for a while because it's dark and I'm really confused because of the loud music, but I finally manage to unlock the door and enter the house. After having taken off my shoes and backpack, I hesitantly walk into the living room where the music seems to come from. 

I almost expected my mom to be throwing a huge party or something but the room is completely empty except for her and another tall, slender figure swaying on the carpet and spinning in circles and dancing to the beat like crazy. There's this really huge, beautiful smile on my mother's face and the other girl's hair is shining brightly in the lights of our living room, seemingly illuminating her silhouette. And suddenly, images of the exact same figure shoot through my head as I recognize her and I can literally feel my mouth falling slightly open. 

"Ella?" I shout and run over to the pair of dancers, throwing my arms around my sister. She laughs and hugs me back tightly. 

"Hi lil' brother! It's so good to see you!", she says into my ear. Over Ella's shoulder I can see my mom walking to the stereo to turn the music off and afterwards she joins us in our hug. I just now start to realize how badly I've missed Ella, my big sister with the bubbly, sparkling personality, always there to help and comfort you no matter what. 

"What are you doing here?" I take a step back and gaze down at her even though I'm only a few centimetres taller than her. She looks happy, her cheeks are flushed and her blonde locks a tangled-up mess flowing down her shoulders. 

"I decided to surprise you guys! It's been way too long since I last visited!" there's something in her eyes accompanying those words, a small sliver of sadness flickering across them, but it's gone almost immediately and replaced with the usual sparkle. I nod and pull her closer to me once again. 

"I've missed you."