Nothing Like Us

chapter 26

It's been almost three weeks since she left. She won't take my calls and when I call her parents they hang up on me, as I'm sure she's instructed them to do. I'm no closer to figuring out where she is than I was the day she walked out the door.

I run my fingers through my hair and absent mindedly decide it needs washed. "I should get in the shower..." I sigh to no one, but remain seated, staring out the window at nothing.

"Hey kid..." Dad says from the doorway.

"Hey." I offer quietly with a little lift of my chin.

"Mike let me in but wasn't sure where you were..." he sighs "I figured I'd find you in here. What is it with you and this game room? It's not like you ever mess with any of this," he gestures around at the arcade games and video game consoles "At least you don't when I'm here."

"I play at night." I leave out the answer to his 'what is it with you and this room question' which is that B and I spent tons of time together in here so I like it better than any other room in the house since she's been gone.

"What? When you're not sleeping?" he asks with concern.

"I'm sleeping fine." I lie.

"Yeah right, don't bullshit me...you look like shit." he shakes his head, leaning down to peer out the window as well "What's so damn exciting out there?"

I turn away "Nothing. What's up dad?" I listen for the noise that follows Jazzy and Jax wherever they go but the house is quiet "You bring the littles?"

"They're at school."

"But it's Sunday." I point out. What, Is he worried poor Justin's depression is contagious now or some shit?

"It's Tuesday Justin." He corrects, easing into the chair beside mine. "Talk to me...your mom's worried, I'm worried...we all are. Have you had a chance to talk to her at all?"

"It's Tuesday?" I ask, slightly shocked by the news.

"Yeah." He nods "It is. Now about Bobbi...have you talked to her?"

"She still won't take my calls, or anyone else who's ever been within ten feet of me."

"Give her time...she'll come around."

"Why didn't I listen to you?" my voice is suddenly louder and slightly frantic. I hear it, but can't seem to find a normal volume "If I'd listened to you when you said she was pregnant then maybe I could have talked her into getting a test earlier, then we would have known and I certainly wouldn't have been stupid enough to have a fuckin' party and this whole thing..." I stop and rest my head in my hands "Then she'd still be here and the baby..."

"Hey.." he stops me with a firm, comforting grip on my shoulder "It's too late for all that, you know that. Thinking like that is getting you nowhere. She just needs time to think things through. She just lost a baby, that's tough...she's fucked up right now too. Soon she'll be thinking a little more clearly and she'll realize that this wasn't your fault and she'll come back."

I drop my hands from my head and grip my knees, needing something to hold onto because I feel like I'm going to fall apart "It is my fault though! And anyway, I've fucked up and hurt her so many times that it doesn't even matter that I'm technically not to blame this time. It just doesn't fucking matter anymore."

"Alright, just calm down...listen this isn't good Justin. I talked to Mike, he says you still aren't eating. I thought we discussed this and came to an agreement..remember that? At least two meals a day. You promised me and your mom."

"I'm eating." I lie once again.

"Oh yeah? Okay great!" he says with sarcastic enthusiasm "Let's eat right now..." he rises to his feet "Come on."