Previously....
The rest of the ride to the park was filled with small chat and cheerful laughs. Once we got there it became quite but the chat never ended. We ended up staying up late like always but we tired out sooner than we thought.
My slumber was both a calming one and a worrying one. I really had fun with Rigby and I hope that with all that's been going on that we can still....have what we had before.
Now......
Rigby's p.o.v
I couldn't sleep that night. After having so much fun with Mordecai, I felt as if I were to sleep then today would be over and I didn't want it to be. It was late and we had work tomorrow, yet I couldn't close my eyes and sleep. So I decide to go up to the roof like u always do when I'm troubled.
Once I was up there I sat down on my regular spot , close to the window yet still somewhat in the middle. I laid back and put my hands behind my head and looked up at the stars. They were bright, and beautiful. The is view reminded me of when me and Mordecai were little kids. We would look at the stars and make silly wishes, while holding hands and giggling and smiling at each other's childish wishes. We would...hug under the blankets when it was too cold, and we'd walk to the park or wherever we went we... would hold hands and smile like it didn't matter that what we were doing was something to be embarrassed about.
These memories that resurfaced made my chest ache and something inside me felt as if it was ripped out. My eyes started to weld up with tears and try as I might to hold them in they just wouldn't. As soon as I let the tears fall they wouldn't stop, but I didn't want them too.
I wanted to let it all out, to yell, to scream at the nothings around me and not stop until nothing left my throat, yet I couldn't in fear of someone hearing me. Or maybe that's what I wanted, maybe I wanted someone to hear me cry, to hear me break, to hear me end, just so that they could bring me back together. To have someone or something to hold onto when everything around me left me to float away. That may just be the reason we all give those silent screams when we're breaking in the solitude of our sadness, we don't want anyone to hear us because we fear they'll hurt us more but we still want to call out to someone so that we can have that last thread to hold onto.
For some that small piece of thread is the one thing that saves us from our all too painful end, and for others that tread is a false hope that breaks and let's us fall thinking we could have still held on if it hadn't snapped. We never know which piece of thread we received until we fall waiting for someone to catch us at the bottom.
The thread I received was clear to me the moment I got it....and even though I wish that he would be there to catch me the moment I fall, I know he'll be holding someone else in his arms instead of me.
I cried harder, and more tears flowed faster down my face. My shoulders shaking, hands tightening into fists, eyes closed tight and jaw snapped shut. The pain was building up too much and I couldn't handle it for much longer....I turned my head towards the sky and let out a quiet strangled cry as my eyes kept leaking those salty water works.
I stayed on the roof until I cried out all my pain. In the end I was left a hollow shell of the Rigby that died when this pain was born. I dried my eyes the best that I could and started walking slowly back to the window to sleep the little time I had left.
As I made it back to the room I looked at Mordecai's side of the room and I noticed how peaceful he was sleeping, without a care or worry into the world. Why shouldn't he, he confessed to the one he loved and he didn't get rejected.
The thought of him and Margaret together caused a knotting feeling in my gut. I hate her so much! I hate that he could be happy and I couldn't! I wished he was rejected, just so that he'd feel the same way I felt on that night! So that he'd know how much it hurts! I hate them for being able to be together, but the one person I hate the most was me. Me, for wishing the worst type of pain upon the one I loved dearly.
Having these thoughts in mind I smiled and a couple tears slipped out again as I spoke the words he had once rejected.
"I love you, Mordecai.I will love you, even if you can't share these feelings."
Okay another chapter done! I feel great! But the feels hit harder when it's you the one writing it all...well I didn't need my kokoro anyway. Hope you liked this chapter if not, oh what can I do. You didn't like it, you didn't like it and I can't change tour mind. Thank you for reading and the next chapter might come tomorrow or in the weekend. The pic was also done by me! Bye HYYYYUMAAAAANZZZZZ!!!
