Squirrelflight & Brambleclaw

I hate this part

This is based on the song : I hate this part by Pussycat dolls. I had to change a few parts of the lyrics of the song to fit the atmosphere.....

It was already dark, and the bright stars dotting the black sky told Squirrelflight that sunrise was still far off. Like the basin of a great amphitheater, the frozen lake lay revealed in the silvery light of the round moon and the billion stars of the sky. She sighed, patrolling the lake with Brambleclaw wasn't easy, especially once Jessie had arrived.

We're walking slow through the snow by the frozen lake

And right now crickets' all that we can hear, and we ain't talked since we left it's so overdue

Squirrelflight shivered, whether it was from the coldness or the silence she wasn't sure but she could see out of the corner of her eye that Bramblestar also seemed a bit stiff in his gait.

It's cold outside but between us it's worse in here

She sighed, she felt defeated but she forced herself to keep her shoulders straight and to lift her head up in pride, she was Firestar's daughter for goodness sake! She should not let anyone, not even Bramblestar and definitely not an outsider to affect her. But even as she told herself that, the feeling that Bramblestar nearly chose Jessie over her stabbed her in the heart, worser than a thorn in her paw. She knew Bramblestar wasn't aware of her presence that day but she was hunting nearby and guiltily spied on them when she realized they were nearby. Squirrelflight had hitched her breath at Bramblestar's statement that he could love Jessie but she forced herself to calm down, it was Bramblestar's choice, their story had ended the moment he knew she lied to him. It was her fault. Her choice. And now it was his, he deserved happiness, but it hurt her to know that he didn't love her as much as she had desperately wished he did. She snapped out of her thoughts as Bramblestar started to speak, his voice coming out a little hoarse, "So um, are you alright?" Squirrelflight pricked her ears, "Alright? What do you mean? Why wouldn't I be?" Bramblestar paused, looking uncertain.

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now, I know this is the part where the end starts

"About Jessie," he finally said. She looked away, "I'm fine. She's a good cat, I have nothing against her." Nothing except for you.....Bramblestar looked relieved, "Right. Because I was worried that you'd be feeling hurt and I don't want our um.....interaction or the past affect the clan." He stepped closer to her, amber eyes reflecting the light of the moon. Squirrelflight nodded, "Of course. The past is the past, forgive and forget." Her heart sped up at his closeness and it was all that she could do to stop herself from burrowing into his chest. Her eyes caught with his and the confusion in his eyes was clear, and in his eyes she could see he was thinking about how they were in the past. She wondered whether Bramblestar would ever tell her directly who he'd choose, because it seems like he tells Jessie, a small voice inside her piped out. Squirrelflight mentally shook her head, it was time to find out, but when?

I can't take it any longer , thought that we were stronger, all we do is linger, slipping through our pawprints

"I have to go now," Bramblestar pulled away hastily, "You continue the rounds. I promised Jessie I'd be back to show her the territory in winter." Squirrelflight felt a stab of anger that he would leave her to take care of clan business just so he could spend time showing the outsider around but all she did was nod calmly, "of course." Her heart sank in disappointment as he bounded away without another word, seeming to want to put distance between them as fast as he can. The silence fell over her once more like a blanket.

I don't want to try now all that's left goodbye to find a way that I can tell you,

I hate this part right here, I hate this part right here, I just can't take your fears, I hate this part right here

Squirrelflight watched alone as a leaf fell from a tree above her, landing just before her nose. She batted it away, needing a distraction as she made her way to the border with Riverclan. Inside her heart, she knew that Bramblestar was scared, scared to trust her, or love her again for that matter. But what could she do to change that? She had tried everything else, giving him space and reasoning with him, but it didn't really help as he didn't want to believe her. Once Jessie came though, and after she left, he seemed to be more willing to trust again. Her tail lashed in annoyance, she was just so tired of waiting for him, and it took him to know an outsider and listen to that cat to realize that he should decide to trust her once again. Who was she kidding? She was no match for Jessie, Jessie was younger and definitely prettier and he fell for her straightaway, that cat also had a lot of spunk so obviously he'd like her! At that moment, she decided what to do, she had to tell him that he should go with Jessie and forget everything that ever happened between them (which was kinda impossible). But she had to try. She couldn't stand it any longer, feeling like there's a game of tug and war for Brambleclaw between her and Jessie, and her on the losing side.

Mind made up, she checked out the border and decided that Riverclan had not really crossed the border. Their scent was stale but she knew that at times some Riverclan warriors on patrol slip on the frozen lake, accidentally crossing over to Thunderclan's borders. Besides, she couldn't smell or see any trace of a scuffle with a prey in their territory. Pleased with herself, she made her way back to camp slowly, taking in the beauty of the white forest in deep breaths. When she reached camp, she paused at the entrance, unsure whether she should go in right now or not. She was afraid of what she would see. There was a grunt behind her and she started in surprise, turning around crossly when she heard Cloudtail snorting, "Do stop blocking the entrance. A cat is freezing in this snow." "Sorry," she mewed as she hurriedly moved into the camp, her heart thudding as she saw Bramblestar in his den- and alone. Her paws worked their way towards his den, like it did every night as a routine to report to him of the clan's activities.

Everyday seven takes of the same old scene, seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine

Bramblestar moved out of his den as he saw her coming and her heart sped up, what was she going to tell him? The thoughts that ran through her head demanded that she tell him her true feelings about this whole thing, with Jessie as the true problem and tell him that she couldn't stand their tiptoeing around the matter any longer, that it hurts her so much every single time they avoid speaking about the matter outright and getting things over with. And all the while he gets to "sneak" off with Jessie and leave her all alone.

gotta talk to you now 'fore we go to sleep, but will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me?